Who Do You Want to Be?

Big Picture, focus, goals, happiness, inner peace, priorities, purpose May 22nd, 2009

fireman

photo by: nojhan

“If you aim at nothing, you’re sure to hit it.” ~ Danny Hall

It has certainly been a while since I have written a post.  I’ve been doing a lot of traveling, teaching and writing -  just not in the form of blog posts.  I’ve even done some speaking - something I thought I would never do - and I enjoyed it!  I’ve had some great adventures.

It is always my goal to make people think when I write or teach - to cause people to live more consciously.  I’ve been accused of doing just that many times over and I consider it a real compliment each time I hear it.  For much of my life I didn’t do a lot of “thinking” and it was very detrimental to me.  I’ve learned from personal experience that “thinking” - or living consciously makes me happier and helps me to have more peace so I enjoy sharing this gift with others.

Keeping this in mind, Read More »

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Words of Wisdom and Peace

Peace, inner peace, purpose, relantionships, wisdom March 6th, 2009

peace-pilgrim-3

In the last two posts, we have discussed the four preparations of peace and the four purifications of peace taught by Peace Pilgrim.  We also discussed Peace Pilgrim’s message which is so very powerful.  These posts generated much thought and discussion as we all went within to examine our own lives.

Today, I wanted to share with you some “random” thoughts that were collected  from Peace Pilgrim’s teachings.  I find each one of them thought provoking and powerful.  See what you think….

* We can all spend our lives going about doing good. Every time you meet a person, think of some Read More »

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What Can Death Teach Us about Life?

Big Picture, Death, Peace, Uncategorized, focus, goals, happiness, humility, inner peace, priorities, purpose, tribute May 28th, 2008

death valley peaceLast week, I was forced to deal with the sudden death of one of my uncles.  It seems that it is maybe an event that shouldn’t have happened - at least not at this time.  Whatever happened, he is now gone and we are forced to grieve his loss and think of his memory. 

Death has been something I have had to deal with a lot over the past six weeks.  First, it was my friend Ron.  Now it is my Uncle Robert.  One thing is certain, we all face death.  It is inevitable.  Sure, science has advanced and people live longer now, but we still can not live forever on this earth. 

Being forced to face death so much has caused me to ponder about life more and reflect over my life.  What can death teach us about life?  Can peace abound in the midst of death?  Sure it can and I believe it should.

So what can we learn from death?

1.  Tomorrow is never guaranteed.  The next hour is never guaranteed.  Life is short.  So what is guaranteed?  Only this very moment.  So the question arises, “What are we doing with this moment?”

I’m not sure of the author, but this is a great quote brought to my attention by my friend David B. Bohls of Slow Down Fast:

Now is mine.
I can do what I want with it.
I own it, for better or worse.
What I do now, in this present moment, is what makes up my life.
My whole life is only a succession of nows.
I will take this moment and do something with it.
What I do with each now will make me or break me.

2.  The biggest thing I have been reflecting on is, “If I were to die right now, how would my epitaph, my eulogy read?  Each of us are writing our eulogy now - at this very moment.  So what is it saying?  Take some time now to reflect on that thought.  I will be doing that over the next few days.  Stephen Covey talks about the importance of doing this in his must read book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

A Thought to keep in mind….

Each moment is a stepping stone or building block to the summation of our life. 

If your stepping stones or building blocks could speak what would they say?  Are they applauding you for a job well done and making your life beautiful and full of peace or are they all crumbling to the ground screaming for help to be re-stacked into a sturdy structure and masterpiece?

A while back, I came across this short, but incredible movie that illustrates this point so well.  It’s worth a look.

 The Dash

3.  How can someone have peace as they face death?  Inner peace is about facing death confidently - knowing you are living the life you are meant to live every day of your life.  It is about living life for God not yourself.

Life is not about staying alive.  It is about being prepared to die at any moment.

 

WB School is a great resource I have found.

4.  Facing the death of loved ones has taught me not only the importance of reflecting on my life at this time, but to also take the time on a regular basis to do so?  Am I living the life I want to live is a good question?  If not, why not?  If not, then what can I do about it?  What can I do different?

5.  “It’s all in YOUR mind.”  This last one is directly from my uncle Robert.  One of the men presiding at his funeral told the story of how he was making excuses to my uncle.  Speaking about something he was doing, but didn’t feel like he was doing well, the man said to my uncle, “I just don’t feel like I’m making a difference.  I just don’t feel like I’ll ever be any better than I am now.”  My uncle said to him, “Just remember that’s all in YOUR mind, not anybody elses’.”      Thought:   What are you telling yourself?

Homework:

Write out your eulogy.  This is not to be a morbid experience, but rather an exciting one as you lay out how you want to live your life and what you want to be remembered for.  Keep breaking this down into smaller and smaller achievable daily steps and take action to achieve it.  Refer to Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People if needed.

At the end of every day, ask yourself, “If I could change one thing about today and the way I lived it, what would it be?”  What one thing would give me a stronger sense of inner peace?”  Write it down.  Resolve to put that into practice the next day. 

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How Does a Mother Promote Peace?

Big Picture, Peace, encouragement, focus, goals, humility, inner peace, principles, priorities, purpose May 9th, 2008

Image originally from http://merchmerthyr.blogspot.com. Please support her blog.Since Mother’s Day is around the corner, my original thought for this post was to find a great poem about mothers and to post it here and to talk a little bit about the poem. Well, the problem came when I couldn’t find a poem that I liked, so another thought came to my mind. I thought that I would instead write about characteristics of mothers that promote peace in her children. This partly came about because I am not yet a mother and I am constantly asking myself, “If I have children what are the things that I want to instill in them?” And more specifically lately, I have been thinking about how I will work to bring about inner peace or peace of mind in their lives.

So what are some characteristics, some qualities that a mother can possess or exhibit to bring about peace in her children?

1.  Listening and understanding.  I’m not just talking about surface listening.  I want to be the kind of mother that truly seeks to understand what my children are saying beneath their actual words.  What is their body language saying?  What are their feelings?  What are the thoughts behind those feelings?  What are their deepest strongest desires and wishes in life?  What are their interests?

2.  Since peace is the absence of conflict, I want to be a mother who encourages my children to reach their full potential.  If I listen to their interests and what they want to do and encouarge them to go for it with all their being, then what I will be doing is removing any inner conflict they have that could possibly tell them that they can’t really do what they want to do.  In other words I want to eliminate any self limiting beliefs that could possibly arise within them.  I don’t even want it to ever enter their minds that they can’t do something.

3.  When a conflict arises, I want to be a mother that focuses on the solution, not the problem - whether that be a conflict between me and the children or between the children themselves.   Focusing on any problem only brings about more problems and more conflict; therefore the absense peace.

4.  Also, as a mother who promotes peace,  I think it is necessary to raise my children with a purpose.  I see the need to lay out the values and principles that I want to instill in my children and focus on them every day.  I think the biggest mistake that parents make (and it’s one I would have made if I had raised children before this time in my life) is to not raise them with a purpose.  By focusing on these values and principles I see that the most important thing for me to do to eliminate conflict in this area and to promote peace is to:

5.  Walk the talk, as many people call it.  In other words, I need to exemplify these values and principles since children always do what you do, not what you say.  Many people say what they think is important and talk about others who do not do what is important, but few actually do it themselves.  Clearly laying out these values and priorities will eliminate any doubts or conflicts in the child of what is important to me and they will likely follow suit.

6.  One of these values that I believe is crucial for me to promote and teach peace to my children is humility and selflessness.  I believe with humility that about all conflict in the world will be nonexistent.  That is what I have seen in my life.  When I am being selfish and self centered then I have lots of conflict in my life.  When, on the other hand, I forget about myself and focus on the needs of others then I get my needs met also and everyone is happy and full of peace and happiness.  There is no doubt that with a mother’s selfless giving and humility that her children will not only have peace, but that she will find it also.  That is not at all to say they she should ignore her needs, for that is a sure recipe for inner conflict.

7.  One more ingredient I see necessary for me to raise my children to have inner peace is to teach them to see things in perspective or to see the big picture.  In other words, I want to teach them to look at long term consequences or results of their actions or thoughts.  Will what they are doing now effect things for the good or the bad?  Will the current situation matter tomorrow, next week, next decade?  Will it matter 20 or 30 years from now.  I believe teaching them to think this way will help them to not focus on instant gratification, but to think through things.  It will help them not to get too wrapped up in their problems, thus eliminating conflict.

Well, I certainly haven’t covered everything here that I want to teach my children, but this is a good start and I know these are absolutely necessary for me to instill in them…. 

For those of you who are not yet parents:  What are some things you want to do to promote inner peace in your children?

For those of you who are parents:  What are some things you do to promote peace in your children?

 Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World


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Obtaining Wisdom in a Chaotic World (Continued)….

Big Picture, Peace, happiness, inner peace, positive attitude, priorities, purpose, success, time management, vision, wisdom April 17th, 2008
In a previous post we began the discussion of wisdom - what is it and how to obtain it. We are going to continue this discussion as we add some more steps to the process…

In the previous post we defined wisdom as the ability to see the big picture. (As we will see it goes far beyond simply seeing the big picture, although that is the foundation.) Then we began discussing the first two steps to obtain it: 1. Defining your values and ordering them and 2. Setting goals and ordering them.

Step 3. in obtaining wisdom is to now take your list of priorities and goals and take a look at them EVERY morning BEFORE you begin your day. This constantly reminds you to see things in perspective.

  • 3a. It’s always a good idea to evaluate your priorities (see previous post) and goals lists and ask yourself, “Are these the noblest of priorities and goals that I could possibly have? Are these really what is important? In the whole scheme of things, are these the really important things?” Make sure everything has congruity and that it will bring you the most satisfaction. If you need to change anything then do it at this time. If you are satisfied with your lists as it is, then…

  • 3b. If you haven’t already, break your long term goals down into more specific attainable intermediate goals by asking yourself how and when you will obtain them. Write them down.

  • 3c. Begin dwelling on these list and lay out your day according to them. Make out your “to do” list according to the priorities and goals lists and what you want to accomplish in your life.

Now, you will begin to see things from a larger perspective. When something comes along that could distract your attention, somehow it doesn’t seem so distracting anymore, because you have a bigger picture. Life all the sudden makes sense.

Step 4 in obtaining wisdom is to raise your level of consciousness. Become conscious of everything you do. In laying out your priorities and goals you are already well on your way with this step. Become conscious of everything you are doing. When something distracting comes along ask yourself, “How does this affect the big picture? How does this fit into my values and priorities?” If it has no relation to them, then you can just dismiss and continue on with the direction you want things to go. ” Will this matter next week, next month, year or next decade?” is another good question to ask. With these questions you will easily be able to see what is important or what is simply urgent, but has no real importance.

Step 5 in obtaining wisdom is to focus on value. Before doing something, ask yourself, “Does this provide value?” “Does it provide value to those I love, the world or to me?” Will it make a real long term difference?” Really, if you have laid out your priorities well, this one has already been answered for you ahead of time. But, if a situation arises and you are wondering what to do, this is another great question to ask.

Step 6 is to train your mind to think about consequences - good or bad. When trying to decide whether or not to do something ask yourself, “How will this action affect that or what will it lead to? If I choose to do that, what will be the outcome? What will be the consequences of this action?” Will it produce good results or consequences or will it produce negative consequences that you will have to live with for the rest of your life? In other words, look at it from every angle and determine what the outcome will be.

For more information:
Refer to Jonathon Meade’s post on urgent verses important matters at Pick the Brain and/or read Time Power: The Revolutionary Time Management System That Can Change Your Professional and Personal.

As someone who used to be the most indecisive person in the whole world, I enjoy learning new questions to ask myself….What questions do you ask yourself to help make wise decisions?


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Ingredients for Inner Peace - How to Get Your Priorities in Order

Peace, focus, inner peace, priorities, purpose, responsibility, time management April 8th, 2008

Would you agree that we are all looking for inner peace in our lives? Whether people realize it or not, that is really what we are all seeking - a way to do away with the chaos in our lives.

It is only when you align all your actions with your priorities that you will experience peace and success in all endeavors and be all that you can be.

This has been a lesson that I have learned the hard way and one that I have to continually remind myself of.

You have probably all heard me rave about my favorite book, Time Power: The Revolutionary Time Management System That Can Change Your Professional and Personal by Charles R. Hobbs. It has changed my thinking and my life in so many ways. It helped clearly define my priorities and put them in order. It has been amazing! Even though the book is about “time” management it really is about “life” management. It takes a lot of time to go through the book, and I am still not finished with it, but it is well worth ALL the time I have put into it! The book is now out of print, but a few used copies are still lurking around.

I thought I would take some time to share with you why I love this book so much:

Why is this book so transformational? What does it teach?

Well, first of all, if you want to get your life together and have any kind of control over it instead of it controlling you, Hobbs suggest these things:

1. Make a list of what you value most; identify your highest priorities in life.
Hobbs calls these unifying principles. Do you value honesty, integrity, family, God, leadership, responsibility, friendships, etc.? What about faith, humility discipline. Make a list of all the things that are most important to you. Be thorough and honest. Some people start our with only a few and add more in the coming weeks and months, while others write down many upfront. It depends on you and what works for you.

2. Since the priorites you make a list of are broad, the next step is to rewrite each principle as an action statement. For example, if you wrote down “honesty” as a unifying principle, you would now write something like “be honest.” “Family might become “support my family.” Whatever it means to you and causes you to rise to action.

3. Make sure your unifying principles are the noblest of ideas and mutually compatible. If you write down “become wealthy whatever the cost” that will be in conflict with your other principles, because when faced with the decision to be wealthy or honest or have a good family the honesty and family will be the ones that suffer. What will happen is you will push aside everything that is really important to you and lose them. That will leave you more empty than you could have imagined. Simply make sure they are all compatible and can work together.

4. Write a paragraph of clarification under each unitying principle you wrote down. Be clear about what it means.
An example of one I wrote out is:
“Be a woman of integrity. Be honest, trustworthy, consistent, dependable and reliable. Be someone that people can count on to be there for them. Always do what you say you will and make your actions in line with your values and priorities.” Doesn’t that make me accountable!

5. Prioritize the list. This one took me quit a bit of time to do, but as Hobbs says “your list of unifying principles is the most important list you will ever prioritize. The order you select can make a huge difference in how you perform.” Will you love yourself before you neighbor or vice versa? Take some time to think about these things.

In his book he gives a series of questions to ask yourself to help you priortize them in the best order.

6. Evaluate your performance over the past few weeks and months. Have you lived up to this order? You probably have in some areas and not in others. That is very typical. That is the purpose of doing this exercize. It will bring you in touch with reality. This will show you what you need to work on. This is the point where I saw that I was mostly doing the opposite of what was really important to me and saw the need for real change in my life.

For example, if one of your unifying principles is to be honest, you might ask yourself if you have been totally honest. Have you stretched the truth any to try to get your way or make yourself look good?

7. Bring your performance in line with your unifying principles. The best way to accomplish this is to schedule some time to yourself every morning when you completely cut yourself off from everything. At this time read over your unifying principles and focus on what is really important to you. This will help you to achieve concentration of power in your life.

Do you own a business? First lay out your personal unifying principles and then lay out the ones for your company. Personal priorities must always come first.

Well, maybe this will help you as much as it did me and give you a taste of why I love this book so much.

What is your feedback? Was this list helpful to you? What have you found helpful in keeping your priorities in order?


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How Big are You?

Big Picture, Peace, focus, happiness, humility, inner peace, opportunities, positive attitude, positive thinking, purpose, responsibility April 7th, 2008
I have this shirt from my college days that has this quote on it by John Donne

No man is

an Island,

entire of

itself; every

man is a

piece of

the

Continent,


a part

of the

main….

I have been thinking about this quote a lot and how it goes along with many of my blog posts on Steps to Happiness. I wanted to share it as a reminder that the world is bigger than we are. Let’s continue to think about what we can do to make a contribution to this world.

What contribution will you make today……?

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Steps to Happiness - Part 6 - Happy People Don’t Seek Happiness

Peace, focus, gratitude, happiness, humble, humility, inner peace, positive attitude, positive thinking, principles, priorities, purpose, responsibility April 2nd, 2008

We are nearing the end of our articles on Steps to Happiness. Thank you for joining us.
To read the previous articles in this series go to:

In our last article we discussed what happy people say to themselves every day and how they view things. As promised, in this article we will talk about why happy people are able to view things as they do.
Who is it all about?
So here it is…. the secret that ALL happy people possess…. They realize the world is bigger than themselves – that the world does not revolve around them. What do we mean exactly by this?
Happy people are not focused on their own happiness. They are not seeking happiness. They are seeking to bring others happiness.
Happy people go about their lives looking for ways to enhance other people’s lives. They are seeking ways to bring a smile to someone else’s face and heart. They seek peace and joy for others.

And why do they do this? Let’s take this even a step further – to the real reason…

Who is it really about?
They realize that life is all about God, not about themselves.
Happy people realize their purpose for being here in this world. They realize that they are here to bring glory to God so they seek to know God and to form and maintain a relationship with Him. They seek to bring God glory in all they do. That includes bringing others joy.
The Void
I realize that for some people that I have made a bold statement, but you see, as long as someone does not have a relationship with God there will ALWAYS be a hole, a void in their lives - something missing. This point can be argued, but it does not change the fact that a person will always have this void that can only be filled by God and a relationship with Him. It’s the way we are made.
Someone can refuse to accept this and go live the life they choose and do whatever they want, but they will always be brought back to this truth. They will always have this void unless and until they form a relationship with God, realize it’s all about God and then seek to make others happy. Filling this void gives people purpose and meaning. This is why happy people are able to look at everything as an opportunity – an opportunity to bring glory to God.
It is important to note that a true relationship with God takes commitment, but the joys and rewards are innumerable…. way beyond what anyone could ever imagine!!!
What Now?

So the question arises… How do I come to know God and form a relationship with Him? The best free resources I have found are

http://www.wbschool.org/ and
www.housetohouse.com/hth/freebies/

Exercises:

Use the above resources to learn about God and form a relationship with Him.

As you go throughout your day look for ways to bring joy to others. Act on it.


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