Principles for Peace

Before we get into this week’s thinking errors…..

This week marks a very exciting time for me.  Since I changed my blog to WordPress my plan from the very beginning was to add an online bookstore and coffee shop here.  I wanted a place where people could come and grow in a relaxing environment - a place where people would feel welcome and where they could sip on some coffee while they read.  In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I love bookstores and coffee shops.  They are just so relaxing to me.

While there are still many more changes to come here, Read More »

This week we will continue our series on thinking errors.  If you haven’t yet read the post on labeling and jumping to conclusions then I encourage you to begin there.  I thought it would be best to keep these thinking errors to two to three errors per post so that they would have the greatest impact.  Learning about them is one thing, but knowing them intimately and mastering accurate thinking is the only way this information will make a difference in your life.

So let’s take a look at the next thinking errors:

3. Filtering out the positive in order to point out the negative

With this error people have a “filter” in their mind that only catches the negative.  The positive slides right Read More »

Have you ever lied to yourself and believed it?  Chances are you have.  Most people have.  I have.  That’s basically what thinking errors are and most people engage in at least some of them.

This one series on accurate thinking has the potential to change a person’s life in very drastic ways. It changed mine in probably more ways than I can ever name.

Many people are very offended to think that someone would suggest that they do not think accurately.  If that is you, know that you are not alone.  “What do you mean I’m not thinking right?” might be a typical reaction.  It’s ok if you feel that resistance.  Once you see the thinking errors you will probably Read More »

The kick off of our thinking error series will be postponed for a few more days.  I wanted everyone to have the opportunity to check out my guest post, 4 Invaluable Aspects of Positive Thinking,  on the Positive Thinking Day site.  Positive Thinking Day is fast approaching!  If you are unaware of what Positive Thinking Day is Read More »

Did you know?

• 98% of people are emotional pain carriers in at least one area of their lives? (results of a 20 year study conducted by the Napoleon Hill Foundation)?
• Unprocessed emotional pain is the source of depression? (Sure there is physical or medical depression, but a large number of people who are diagnosed with physical depression are misdiagnosed.)
• Over 6,000,000 people do a search for depression every month (on Google alone)?
• Carrying around emotional pain in at least one area affects everything you do?
• Carrying around emotional pain prevents you from reaching your potential?
• Carrying around emotional pain robs you from peace and happiness?
• Children often start carrying emotional pain by the age of four?
• By the age of Read More »

“Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position, or prestige. It is discovered in goodness, humility, service, and character.”  - William Arthur Ward

It’s no secret.  We live in a me, me, me world.  We want everything our own way and we want it now.  “It’s my way or the highway,” some say.  Some people see absolutely nothing wrong with this philosophy.  In fact, there are probably some people reading this right now that fall into that group.  You may be saying, “I have to have that philosophy or I’ll get run over in this rat race of a world.”  If that is your philosophy let me ask one question - ok, maybe three - “Do you enjoy being around other people with this attitude?  Have you ever had or seen a good boss that possessed this attitude?  Have you ever been around a person in authority with this philosophy that was effective?”  Chances are you have not.

So, why would you want to be humble in this “me” world?

In SFT, I learned early on in my lessons that humility was necessary in order to process and remove emotional pain.  I was told and I have learned by experience that if humility is not in place then it is impossible to remove the pain of an event or situation.  It’s totally useless to every try.  We also call humility the “me factor” in SFT.  I was trained to ask myself, “How’s my ’me factor on a scale of 1-10?’” before even attempting to process pain.  If humility is not there the pain will remain.  I knew first hand that this was going to be one of the most difficult lessons for me to master.  I was right and selfishness is very easy for me to slip back into if I’m not watching.  As a matter of fact, recently I have noticed myself letting the old selfish bug creep in.  It’s no wonder I’ve been struggling in some other areas as well.  But, pain processing is not the only benefit of humility.

As I was thinking about this post and planning out what to say it all the sudden hit me.  There are so many ironies associated with humility.  What I want to discover today is:

The Misconceptions vs. the Reality of Humility:

Myth 1:  Humility means letting people run all over you.  It means you are no good.

Reality:  Humility requires confidence - confidence in self and in God - to the extent that you don’t need to have everything your way.

Myth 2:  Humility means you are weak.

Reality:  Humility is strength under control.

Myth 3:  Humility is for stupid people.

Reality:  Humility requires wisdom - wisdom to see what the outcome will be if you always demand to have things your way.  (pss.-  No one will want to be around you plus you will be miserable.)

Myth 4:  Having humility means everyone will look down on you. 

Reality:  People will respect you if you consider their needs and wants and let them have their way sometimes.  (Four of the men that I have respected the most in my life were the most humble men I have ever known.)

Myth 5:  Having humility means that you don’t deserve anything and will never have anything.

Reality:  At the root of humility is gratitude.  Gratitude recognizes all the blessing you have even though you don’t deserve them.  True gratitude will lead to more blessings than you could ever imagine.

Myth 6:  You’ll always be a low man on the totem pole if you’re humble.  You have to lift yourself up or nobody else will.

Reality:  The results of humility are that you will be lifted up. 

“Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord and He will exalt you.”                    - James 4:10

Myth 7:  You can’t be humble if you are a leader.

Reality:  You will never be a leader if you are not humble (even though you may be in a leadership position).

Myth 8:  I will never get what I want if I’m humble.  Reality:

“The only way to get what you want is to help other people get what they want.”    - Zig Ziglar

Myth 9:  If you are humble you can’t have your way about everything.

Reality:  This one is actually true.  The only downside is that if you demand that the world revolve around you then you will be miserable and disappointed at best.

“What makes humility so desirable is the marvelous thing it does to us; it creates in us a capacity for the closest possible intimacy with God.”  - Monica Baldwin

 If humility is such a good thing then, “How do I get it?” 

* One thing that has helped me the most along this continual journey is to focus on my blessings.  At one point I wrote down all the blessings I could think of and I reviewed the list daily.  This really got me to see how truly blessed I am even though I don’t deserve the blessings (that is not a “poor pitiful me” mentality).

* Checking your motives is another good way to work on humility.  Is it all about you?  How pure are your motives - honestly?

* Increase your self esteem.  There’s a number of ways to do this.  Work on yourself.  In other words, focus on growth.  Set specific goals for things you can work on.  Read the Bible and other helpful books to gain ideas. 

* Draw near to God.

* Do something constructive and worthwhile.  Be creative and get to work.

* Practice noticing the interests and needs of others and act accordingly.

In other news:

* If you want to learn more about SFT Awareness I encourage you to read my recent post at Jenny Mannion’s blog.

* The P4P Bookstore is finally open!  Come on in a relax.  Browse around to find some books for your personal growth. 

Have you ever been so angry that you just couldn’t think straight?  Chances are you have - more than once.  I know I have at times.  Have you ever been so hungry that you just couldn’t think?  And if you did it was either in the form of “I THINK you better get out of my way now!” or in the form of a big juicy steak and baked potato.  Peace turns into disaster fast under these circumstances.  That’s the way we operate.  Certain needs have to be met in order for us to be at our best and to think the clearest. 

In my last post I wrote about a very valuable lesson on how to stop rumination. If you haven’t read that post yet, I highly recommend it.  In that post, one of the points was about not thinking about a pain event until you are calmed down and are in a better frame of mind.  Today we will discuss the conditions favorable for taking a look at a pain event.  One of my favorite parts of this lesson is that it’s a great preventative technique also.  It’s something I try to use on a daily basis. 

This is one of the most simple lessons we teach in SFT Awareness, yet once you see it you’ll probably agree that not only have you violated it many times over, but that you’ve seen others do the same. 

When processing a pain event it’s important to create the favorable conditions to process it.  Set aside a time in a special place where you are not likely to be disturbed.  At this time, in order to be your best it’s important to use the HALT formula.  HALT goes as follows:  Don’t be too:

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

photo by: adobemac

That’s it.  It only takes intention and following these simple guidelines.  It’s highly unlikely that you’ll be able to change the way you look at something if these four things are not taken care of.

As you go along throughout any day just remember it’s a good idea to keep HALT in check at all times.  If you allow yourself to violate this simple formula then a disaster is waiting to happen.  Keeping HALT in check simply ensures you are at our best.  Violating HALT could make a silly little insignificant event turn into a real monster. 

So how do you get HALT back in check if it’s not in place? 

Well, if you are:

Hungry - That’s a pretty easy one.  Eat something.  (Preferalby something nutritional, Dr. Nicole would say.)

Angry - Use some techniques from the last post on how to stop negative thinking mixed with some time, a forward focus and seeing things in perspective.

Lonely - This is probably the most dificult one to take care of, but it is possible to do.  One important thing to remember is that with a relationship with God you are never alone.  Draw near to Him.  You can also go see a friend(s), call someone on the phone or connect with some internet buddies.  Contact an old friend you haven’t talked to in a long time.

Tired - Get some good sleep or take a nap.

That’s it.  Keep HALT in check so that you are at your best, prevent things from blowing out of proportion and are able to process an event you don’t like.

Just like in last week’s post, this requires some awareness.  It requires you to listen to yourself or to be in tune to your self and your needs.  I think you’ll agree the inner peace you find is worth the effort!

To learn more you may want to take a look at my friend Ron’s book:  Removing Emotional Pain.

Can you think of a time when HALT was not in place and a disaster happened? 

I think it is pretty safe to say that peace of mind is only possible if we learn to stop rumination or negative thinking.  In a recent post by Dr. Nicole Sundene of Kitchen Table Medicine, Dr. Nicole discussed whether or not we can always think positive.  I think it is safe to say that we can train our minds to always have a positive attitude, but let’s face it we are all humans and negative thoughts can creep up.  Today’s post will focus on what to do when negative thoughts do come to mind.

In SFT Awareness, we teach students how to process and remove emotional pain which prevents and eliminates most depression.  It’s similar to Tim Brownson’s teaching of reframing.  There’s something very valuable that we teach students in SFT that prevents them from completing a behaviour cycle that leads to depression and addictions.  It’s called stopping rumination.  What is rumination you ask?  Rumination was a word that I had actually never heard of before learning SFT. 

Rumination is basically a fancy word for negative thinking.  Rumination occurs when a pain event happens - anything you don’t like.  When something happens that a person doesn’t like a process starts that is very similar to cows chewing their cud.  The person will draw on past similar negative experiences.  One negative thought leads to another and another and another.  Then the person will go back to the first thought and chew on it some more and then the next thought and chew on it - over and over again the person thinks about all the negatives of something he/she doesn’t like.  As one of my teachers, Gary Washer, puts it, it is like someone losing their keys and then looking for them in the same places over and over again.  Ever done that?  I know I have.

If someone allows rumination to take place, depression is right around the corner.  Notice I used the word “allows.”  This implies that something can be done about it.  So….

How can you stop negative thinking in its tracks?

1.  The first step in stopping negative thinking is to become aware that you are thinking negative. That may sound silly, but once you start to become conscious of it, you’ll be surprised.  Remember that a pain event is anything you don’t like.  So start to become aware or conscious of things you don’t like.  Notice when you first begin feeling angry, frustrated, sad, stressed or any negative feeling.  That’s the first step.  Train yourself to become conscious.

2.  Make a decision not to think about or dwell on the situation or thing UNTIL you are calmed down and in a better frame of mind. (more on that later.) (Click here to see what the ideal conditions are).

3.  Watch your self talk.

*  Some people at this point may say.  “I can’t stop thinking negative.”  Well if you tell yourself that, then guess what?  ….You can’t.  Change your self talk to “I don’t have to think negative.  I don’t like this and that’s okay, but I choose not to let it ruin my life.  I choose to think positive.  I can stop rumination.  I choose to have peace of mind” This is very liberating!

*  Remind yourself: “What I think on expands.” If you choose to think on the problem the problem will get bigger.  If you tell yourself at this point that “good and opportunities will come from this” your subconscious will begin trying to figure out how good can come from it even though you are not consciously thinking about it.      At this time I like to remind myself of one of my favorite Bible verses: 

“For God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to his purpose.” - Romans 8:28

Then move on….

4.  Replace the time you normally spend in negative thinking with something else. In other words, distract the mind.  A hobby is a great thing to get involved in - especially one that involves the mind.  If you have a hobby you enjoy then participate in that hobby at this time.  If you don’t have a hobby, then find one.  Do a Google search for hobbies if you need to do so.  Be creative.

5.  Draw near to God. Prayer and Bible study will help to turn your focus off of yourself and onto God instead.  I like to remind myself that life is about God, not me.   One thing that helps me stop ruminating more than anything else are these two CD’s:  Glorious God a Cappella Worship and Awesome God: An a Cappella Worship Series. It put’s my life in perspective fast!  (I love these CD’s!).

6.  Think on good things. Think about all the blessings you have and dwell on them.  The best way I have found to do this is to make a list of my blessings at a time when I’m not already upset and then keep it with me.  If a pain event occurs I can pull out my list and read it over and over again.  It sure beats thinking negative thoughts over and over again.

Now, you’re one step closer to having peace of mind….

Happy peaceful living!

For further help on learning to think positive I recommend the great one minute affirmations at:  Think Positive Blog.

What are some ways that you prevent negative thinking?

Who can explain how this picture relates to this post?

photo by:  tonystl