Principles for Peace

I think it is pretty safe to say that peace of mind is only possible if we learn to stop rumination or negative thinking.  In a recent post by Dr. Nicole Sundene of Kitchen Table Medicine, Dr. Nicole discussed whether or not we can always think positive.  I think it is safe to say that we can train our minds to always have a positive attitude, but let’s face it we are all humans and negative thoughts can creep up.  Today’s post will focus on what to do when negative thoughts do come to mind.

In SFT Awareness, we teach students how to process and remove emotional pain which prevents and eliminates most depression.  It’s similar to Tim Brownson’s teaching of reframing.  There’s something very valuable that we teach students in SFT that prevents them from completing a behaviour cycle that leads to depression and addictions.  It’s called stopping rumination.  What is rumination you ask?  Rumination was a word that I had actually never heard of before learning SFT. 

Rumination is basically a fancy word for negative thinking.  Rumination occurs when a pain event happens - anything you don’t like.  When something happens that a person doesn’t like a process starts that is very similar to cows chewing their cud.  The person will draw on past similar negative experiences.  One negative thought leads to another and another and another.  Then the person will go back to the first thought and chew on it some more and then the next thought and chew on it - over and over again the person thinks about all the negatives of something he/she doesn’t like.  As one of my teachers, Gary Washer, puts it, it is like someone losing their keys and then looking for them in the same places over and over again.  Ever done that?  I know I have.

If someone allows rumination to take place, depression is right around the corner.  Notice I used the word “allows.”  This implies that something can be done about it.  So….

How can you stop negative thinking in its tracks?

1.  The first step in stopping negative thinking is to become aware that you are thinking negative. That may sound silly, but once you start to become conscious of it, you’ll be surprised.  Remember that a pain event is anything you don’t like.  So start to become aware or conscious of things you don’t like.  Notice when you first begin feeling angry, frustrated, sad, stressed or any negative feeling.  That’s the first step.  Train yourself to become conscious.

2.  Make a decision not to think about or dwell on the situation or thing UNTIL you are calmed down and in a better frame of mind. (more on that later.) (Click here to see what the ideal conditions are).

3.  Watch your self talk.

*  Some people at this point may say.  “I can’t stop thinking negative.”  Well if you tell yourself that, then guess what?  ….You can’t.  Change your self talk to “I don’t have to think negative.  I don’t like this and that’s okay, but I choose not to let it ruin my life.  I choose to think positive.  I can stop rumination.  I choose to have peace of mind” This is very liberating!

*  Remind yourself: “What I think on expands.” If you choose to think on the problem the problem will get bigger.  If you tell yourself at this point that “good and opportunities will come from this” your subconscious will begin trying to figure out how good can come from it even though you are not consciously thinking about it.      At this time I like to remind myself of one of my favorite Bible verses: 

“For God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to his purpose.” - Romans 8:28

Then move on….

4.  Replace the time you normally spend in negative thinking with something else. In other words, distract the mind.  A hobby is a great thing to get involved in - especially one that involves the mind.  If you have a hobby you enjoy then participate in that hobby at this time.  If you don’t have a hobby, then find one.  Do a Google search for hobbies if you need to do so.  Be creative.

5.  Draw near to God. Prayer and Bible study will help to turn your focus off of yourself and onto God instead.  I like to remind myself that life is about God, not me.   One thing that helps me stop ruminating more than anything else are these two CD’s:  Glorious God a Cappella Worship and Awesome God: An a Cappella Worship Series. It put’s my life in perspective fast!  (I love these CD’s!).

6.  Think on good things. Think about all the blessings you have and dwell on them.  The best way I have found to do this is to make a list of my blessings at a time when I’m not already upset and then keep it with me.  If a pain event occurs I can pull out my list and read it over and over again.  It sure beats thinking negative thoughts over and over again.

Now, you’re one step closer to having peace of mind….

Happy peaceful living!

For further help on learning to think positive I recommend the great one minute affirmations at:  Think Positive Blog.

What are some ways that you prevent negative thinking?

Who can explain how this picture relates to this post?

photo by:  tonystl

In our last post, we discussed the importance of discovering what holds us back from acheiving what we want or from being where we want to be. 

With all we said last week, there are some things to keep in mind as you work to figure out what is holding you back.  We had some great discussion that I would encourage you to read if you have not yet.  A common theme that kept appearing in the discussion (which was already going to be a major point of this current post) was…

photo by:  _Gene_

* Don’t obsess over or stay focused on what is holding you back.  Work to figure these things out, but don’t obsess over the problem.  Remember that what you focus on expands, as Andrea Hess noted in our comment section in the last post.  Stay focused on moving forward when you do work to figure out what is holding you back. THE INTENTION SHOULD ALWAYS BE TO LEARN FROM WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK SO THAT YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD. 

* It is common to have fear of self discovery.  Don’t allow this to stop or cripple you.  Remember the purpose is to make you a better person, not to wallow in self pity.  I used to fear looking deep into my life.  Now I want to look there so that I can grow from it and become better.

* Don’t get discouraged if you can’t figure it out immediately and don’t try too hard.  Suggest to yourself that you will figure it out.  Set aside some time to think about it, say 20 minutes.  Pray that God will help reveal these things to you.  But don’t try too hard.  Sometimes the harder we try the more we are working against ourselves.  You may simply let your mind wander and see where it takes you and then move on.  If you haven’t figured anything out after this time, don’t fret about it.  It will come to you.  Just focus on moving forward and go on.  Our continued discussion will serve to reveal these things to you so that you can learn and grow.

* Once you figure out something that is holding you back, say to yourself, “Great, now I know how to move forward!”  Then write down what has been holding you back and what you are going to do to overcome it and act on it immediately.  Do you really want one more wasted day?  Knowledge alone will get you nowhere.  It will take action - action that will get you where you want to be. 

Okay, now that you are not stuck on the problems, let’s get specific.  To stay with our theme, the focus will be on what holds you back from inner peace.   Many of the same principles can apply to any goal you set.

Let’s take a look at some blockers and how to overcome them.

Lack of knowledge -  Many people don’t have peace in their lives simply because they don’t know how to have peace in their lives.  That is the purpose of this blog.  I’m assuming that most of you are here because you want to know how to have that peace.  Keep reading.  Knowledge is key.   

Fear of the unknown or letting go - Many people are in their comfort zone and are afraid of pushing forward to the peace that is on the other side.  Fear of getting away from the things with which they are familiar is very frightening.  If this describes you, rest assured that what is on the other side is well worth the effort.  Write down somewhere, “I recognize that I am afraid, but I realize that what is on the other side is much better.  It is worth letting go of the things with which I am familiar in order to have peace in my life.  I resolve to let go of all of it.”  Let your mind focus on that for a minute.

photo by: Dan4th

Lack of consciousness or awareness- Some people are stuck in autopilot without even the awareness that they do not have peace.  They simply live their lives like they always have without a second thought, always doing what they have always done and not even knowing why.  They do not know that they can change their lives by changing their thinking.  They are just trying to get through the day instead of getting something from the day.  If this is you, stay tuned to see how you can change your thoughts to change your life.  Begin thinking about what you can do to get something out of the day.  What can you do to brighten someone else’s day?  Become aware of the negative thought patterns in your mind and begin replacing them with postive ones.

Lack of focus -  Certainly focus is important.  As we stated earlier, what you focus on expands.  Do you want peace.  Focus on peace.  Is there chaos in your life?  Are you focused on the chaos?  Are you surrounded by problems.  Are you focued on them?  What if you asked yourself how you could turn these problems into peace?  How would you do that?  It takes intention.  It takes focus - concentrated focus. 

Are you focused on the right things?  What are your priorities?  If you don’t know, it’s time to think about them and write them down and number them.  If you don’t know what your priorities are peace will never be possible in your life.  Priorities are a must!  Priorities allow you to focus.

More ways to move forward next time….

What are some more things that you have discovered that has held you back?

Does the thought of paying the bills make you cringe? If so, you are not alone.

This post is a special request from none other than Dr. Nicole Sundene. I bet she never thought I would actually write a post with this title. I find it interesting that Dr. Nicole wrote a post about heartburn after suggesting that I write one about “the art of peaceful bill paying.” It must be a really sour task for her. At first I just laughed at this suggestion (which I think she meant for me to do), but then I put some more thought into it and asked myself, “How many people do struggle with this bill paying stuff?” Do you? Bill paying used to be one of my husband’s biggest soap boxes. He would rant and rave and rant and rave about it and then rant some more. So the more I thought about it, the more I realized this was a real issue for people. Can we find peace in bill paying??? While I don’t claim to be a financial expert, I have learned a lot and I have some suggestions that just might help you have some peace about paying your bills:

1. My first suggestion to find peace in bill paying is to set aside some intentional alone time when you are rested and fresh where you can think clearly with no distractions. In order for us to ever move forward to better things in any area of our lives, we must first uncover the problem or our negative thoughts that are causing us mental anguish. So, in this situation, we must first uncover what we do not like about bill paying. Then we can replace it with some good thoughts. So at this time you have set aside, ask yourself some questions and write down the answers….

What are your thoughts and feelings about bill paying? What is it that I do not like about paying bills? Is it the time it takes to pay them? Do I hate letting go of my money? Do I not have enough money to pay my bills? Am I giving the majority of my money to credit card companies? Am I paying for things that aren’t really important? Uncover what it is exactly. Keep asking yourself questions until you figure out what is causing the anguish. Asking “why?” repeatedly after asking the initial questions may be very beneficial to get to the root of the problem.

2. Simplify! Simplify! and/or get a better and higher paying job. Look at your bills. Are you struggling to have enough money to pay your bills? If so, the problem is either one of two things here. Either there is an overspending issue or a higher paying job or career path is the answer.

Are you spending money on things and more things that promise to bring you happiness, but never do? Are the things you are buying or putting on your credit card leaving you empty and broke? If so, this is an overspending issue caused by a lack of inner peace (therefore, you’re looking for happiness on the outside) or maybe it’s just a lack of control. Learning to control your spending or simplifying your life to the things that really bring you happiness and peace and then identifying and eliminating the things that do not may be the key. Remember this rule: Don’t spend what you don’t have.  Thankfully, money managment is a skill that can be learned. My favorite financial guru and teacher is Dave Ramsey. His books: The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness, The Total Money Makeover Workbook, The Financial Peace Planner: A Step-by-Step Guide to Restoring Your Family’s Financial Health are life changing. Learning from his time tested principles has changed the way I think about money.

If you are living on the basics and still don’t have enough money then it’s time to do some soul searching and either change jobs or find your purpose and vision in life. Are you settling for the job you have now? You’re worth more than that! You were made for greatness not mediocrity!

3. As Tim Brownson says, Attitude is Everything! although Doc KC says some other factors play a role in our thinking. (Doc KC has some very valid points, but I have to say I lean more towards Tim’s view on this one, as I think Benny Greenberg would as well.)

Now that we have uncovered the negative thoughts that go along with bill paying, we have to find some positive thoughts to replace them. And it is possible that these positive thoughts will lead to the ugly word….. action. Oh no! Don’t fret though. It will all be worth it. It’s all changes for the better.

Try to look for the opposite of the negative thought you have uncovered or for the action it would require to make it positive.

Do you have enough money to pay your bills? It’s time to hit your knees and thank God for all the ways He has blessed you. Heading into paying the bills with this attitude of gratitude will change how you look at paying the bills. As you write each bill thank God for the money to pay that one. You may even start to look forward to paying the bills!

Do you not have enough money to pay the bills? Great! Yes, that’s right - Great! Look for opportunites ahead. You always have a choice in everything you do. I will say that again - You always have a choice in everything you do. Thank God for all the opportunities ahead that will make it possible to pay the bills and start looking for the opportunities and make it happen.

Is it a lack of time that is plaguing you? Great! This is an opportunity to learn and apply some time management skills.

Are you still paying for your student loans? Be thankful that you had and took to opportunity to go to school.

In other words, start programing your mind to think gratitude, solution and opportunity instead of yuck, yuck, yuck, not again!

4. And lastly, learn the art of online bill pay.  Just make sure your internet connection is secure before you do this. At one time my husband threatened to feed all the bills to the garbage disposal. Then one day he happened to discover this online bill pay thing and every since then he has been one happy camper. It takes him about one minute to get on, click “make payment” and he’s done. This has taken so much hassle out of bill paying and has given him much peace.

Happy peaceful bill paying to you!

What are the things that cause you anguish in bill paying?

What have you learned that brings you peace in bill paying?

Thank you for following along in our series on Steps to Happiness.
Here are the links to the previous articles in this series:
Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life
Steps to Happiness – Part 2
Steps to Happiness - Part 3 - Does this Stuff Really Work?
Steps to Happiness – Part 4 - Who is Master?
In our first few articles we discussed some ways to take back our puppet strings so that we could have a grasp on happiness. In our last article we began talking about some ways to prevent handing our puppet strings to other people, things and situations.Today we will continue the discussion of prevention.

How Do We Deal with the Inevitable?

In step four we mentioned that there was a secret that happy people have learned since they have knowledge of the thought/emotion order….. If it is true that we can have control over our thoughts then we can conclude that we can choose our thoughts, emotions and reactions AHEAD OF TIME.

How do I choose my thoughts ahead of time?

Happy people get up every day and say something very similar to these words to themselves:

• “I can choose evil or good today. I choose good.”

• “I can choose to think negatively today or I can choose to think positively. I choose to think positively.”

• “I can choose to think about bad things going on my life and in the world or I can think about the good things going on and the good things I can do. I choose to THINK about the good things going on and I choose to DO good.”

• “I can think about all the things I do not have or I can think about all that I do have. I choose to think about all that I do have.”

• “I can choose to think about the parts of my body that don’t work quiet right or hurt or I can be glad for the ones that do work right and don’t hurt.” I choose to be glad for the ones that do work right and don’t hurt.”

• “I can choose to see and look for the bad in every person and thing or I can see and look for the good and potential in every person and thing. I choose to see and look for the good.”

• “I realize anything can happen today. That’s o:k because I’m bigger than any problem that arises. I choose to look for the good and opportunity in it.”

Let’s talk for a moment about outside circumstances….

1. You see, happy people choose to be happy no matter what comes up, no matter what outside circumstances arise. They CHOOSE AHEAD OF TIME to look for the GOOD in any and EVERY circumstance that arises.

2. Happy people live with the realization that any thing can come up or happen at any time. They simply choose not to fall apart with each bump that comes up in the road. They choose not to live in a fairy-tale land expecting that everything will be perfect and rosy and nothing will ever go wrong.They realize that bad things happen to everyone including themselves.Thinking otherwise will only be setting themselves up for failure.Since bumps in the road are inevitable they program their mind to think, “bump = opportunity.”

So does this mean that happy people love everything? - that there is not anything that a happy person does not like?

No. There are things that a happy person does not like - negativity and evil being the two biggest things. They have simply programmed their mind to THINK OPPORTUNITY WITH EVERY THING AND EVERY MOMENT instead of programming it for gloom and doom.Gloom and doom are not even an option in their mind.

Does this mean that happy people are never sad?

Absolutely not.Are they sad much less often? You bet. When the inevitable sadness comes they evaluate it. If it’s merited like the death of a loved one then they allow themselves to feel it, but choose not to get lost in it forever. They choose a time to grieve and they choose to grow from it and continue on with their lives. They choose to become better for it, not bitter.The grieving process is necessary. They then can choose to turn this into an opportunity to help comfort others in the same situation.

Next time, we will discuss the reasoning behind why happy people are able to think in these ways.

Exercises:

• Remember four key words we used in this discussion: choose, good, positive, and opportunity.

• Remember life is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in – positive or negative. The choice is yours.

• Copy the statement from the previous paragraph and all the quotes from the beginning of the article onto a note card or piece of paper. Make one more copy.Keep one beside your bed.

Read it every day when you wake up and every night before you go to bed for 30 days.Keep the other copy with you. If you find yourself struggling, pull it out and read it. Just give it 30 days.See if you and everyone around you do not notice a difference.Share some things that you use to prevent yourself from getting so upset when when those inevitable things happen?

Recommended reading on this subject:
The Choice

Did you find this post helpful? Consider subscribing to this blog.

Yesterday, we began discussing the steps necessary to win through adversity - how to use problems and a positive attitude for your advantage. Today we will continue this discussion. As we noted in the last post, everybody has problems arise so knowing how to deal with it is crucial.

5. Develop and maintain a deep spiritual relationship with your creator, God.
Many times people forget God is there until some tragic event happens and then they turn to God. While it is definitely good to turn to God during these times, if we have a continual abiding relationship with Him all the time it is so much easier to face any problems that arise. He even promised that He will work all things together for good to those that love Him and in my experience that has ALWAYS been true. For more information you can visit www.wbschool.org

6. Figure out if the problem is something that you can change or not.
Often we worry over things that we have no control over.

7. If it is something that you can not change make a resolution to let go of it. It is hard to function properly in aspect of life if you are preoccupied with something over which you have no control. It waste many precious hours. If you can not control it decide to change your attitude about it. It is so liberating to do.

8. If the problem is something you can change, then take a long hard look at it and DECIDE to change it. Program your mind to automatically look for the solution in any problem. This has been one of the single biggest things that has helped me to deal with adversity. When you focus on the problem itself it only gets bigger and bigger. When you tell yourself there is a solution and start looking for it great things happen. Your mind begins to go wild looking for a solution and good comes about as you go to action implementing the solution. Problems are negative. Solutions are positive.

Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude

9. Whether the problem is something that you can change or not, look for the good in it.
Usually I try to make it a rule to never assume anything. But this a a big exception…. Always assume that good is hidden in each difficulty. If you believe that you will find the good. Train your mind to think of a problem as a good thing. W. Clemment Stone is know for saying “Great!” whenever a problem arises. Was he successful?? You better believe it!!Always look for opportunities and you will always find them. This is true not only in adversity, but as you go through out each and every day. It’s a matter of programming the mind that way.

10. Believe it is exactly what you need at the present time.
This is one of my favorites! Assume that whatever circumstance you are currently facing is exactly what you need to best reach your goals and be successful. Wow!!! How powerful is that!! Assume that God has given you this exact problem to help you be who you need to be and do what you need to do, to help you expand and grow. Michael Jordan says it this way… “I succeeded because I failed.” In other words, he trained his mind to think that each failure was exactly what he needed to teach him the lesson he needed.

Go face whatever life throws at you!!!

Yesterday morning I was awaken from sleep by my cell phone ringing that I forgot to turn off the night before. The caller was informing me that someone I love was talking about committing suicide. What a scary and startling way to wake up! The person did get some help and did not follow through with it thankfully. Since I was awaken so suddenly by it, it was as if everything I knew to do went out the door.

After things calmed down, I began to think about how I would handle the situation differently if it happened again and I began to look for opportunities in it. I began to think about what I would say to this person if there was a next time. Somehow my mind led me to a prayer that I could help this person pray and I just had to write it down. It turned into not only a prayer that I could help this person pray if that situation arose again, but I think really more importantly it turned into a prayer that we can pray every day so that our minds never get to the point of even thinking about suicide. I decided to post that prayer here for everyone’s benefit.

The main thing it reminds us of is to see the big picture and keep our focus on it.

Please feel free to use this prayer and refer this to anyone you think could use it - or better yet just refer it to everyone you love. Let’s make an effort to prevent suicide!

It also turned into a good reason to be and/or the blessings of being a Christian - if you need more info on becoming a Christian please refer to http://www.wbschool.org/

Here is the prayer:

“Dear Father, life is hard. So often it really just does not seem fair. Help me to remember that you never promised it would be easy, but instead that you would always be there for me and give me strength, comfort and wisdom when I turn to you and that I can have peace just resting in that.

Father, I realize that I am a sinful creature and that even though I do not deserve your love and forgiveness, you continually pour it out on me anyway. You are such an awesome God and I am so blessed.

Father, sometimes I really struggle and do not know all the answers and that is hard, but I realize that you are way bigger than any of my problems and that I can handle anything with
you on my side.

Father, so many times it is easy to get caught up in life’s daily problems and I think the world is against me and that there is no use in trying anymore. Please help me to remember that life is all about you and bringing glory and honor to you and that it is not about me. That is so hard to see
sometimes.

Father, so often when struggles arise all I can think about is the problem and how it affects ME. Help me not to try to avoid all of life’s problems because they are inevitable, but help me to focus on the solution to the problem and opportunity contained in it and how I can use it to your glory, not on the problem itself. For when I focus on the problem it only gets bigger, but help me to remember that good and opportunities can come from EVERYTHING if I look for it and let it.

Father, some people are mean and say cruel things. Help me to remember that just because someone says or does something that does not mean it is true. Help me to remember that it is only true of me if I choose to make it true of me. Help me to remember that you not only made me, but that you made me in your image!! Help me to remember that no one can harm my thoughts unless I give them permission.

Father, so many things do not go like I want them to. Give me the wisdom to discern between the things I can change and the things I can not. Help me to have the right attitude toward the things I can not change and to give them up to you. Help me to remember that the only thing and person I can control is myself – my thoughts and my actions. Help me to give up all other control to you, for the burden is too much for me.

Father, help me to remember that when I allow the first negative thought to come into my head that I am giving Satan an open invitation to come in and invade in my mind and have a party. Dear Father, help me to recognize Satan’s tactics and when he knocks on the door and help me to check to make sure the locks are bolted shut and invite you to come in instead for a spiritual feast. Help me to turn my thoughts to your blessings and toward what I can do to serve you.

Father, I realize that not everyone will give me approval even though I would like them to do so. That can hurt, but please help me to forgive them and remember that as long as I am looking outward and seeking approval from others that I will be miserable at best. Help me to instead look inward and to look to you to find more ways to love you and bring glory to you and to
look for ways to help others to feel approved by me instead.

Father, help me to remember that any time I expect others to look down on me that they will because I have already given them permission. Help me not to expect this from others, but help me to remember that any time I expect to find the good in
others I will find it.

Father, help me to remember that you want to send blessings my way. Please help me to be open to receiving them.

Father, there are many things that cloud my vision. Please help me to most of all remember that my purpose for being here is to bring glory and honor to YOU by taking YOU into the world. Help me to remember that it is all about YOU and living for YOU and seeking ways to show your love, peace and happiness to the world. Help me to do the things that would cause people to look at me and say, “Behold the Lamb” as John said of Jesus in the Bible. Help me to live in such a way that people see JESUS instead of seeing me.

It is only when I lose sight of this vision that I focus on my problems and how big they are and how they affect me, instead of remembering who I am and that I am here for YOUR GLORY and to use my problems FOR YOU. Father, I realize that only when I am seeking to shine your light to the world does life make any sense or have any meaning. All else is vanity.

Father, make my life all about you.

In Jesus’ name, amen.”

Nelson’s NKJV Study Bible

Update: If this prayer helped you you may also enjoy a series of posts that I am in the middle of posting on Steps to Happiness. It begins with Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life on March 18, 2008. You may also consider subscribing to this blog to learn more about inner peace and happiness. I hope I can help many many people find this peace that is possible to possess.

As a young man, Abraham Lincoln went to war a captain and returned a private. Afterwards, he was a failure as a businessman. As a lawyer in Springfield, he was too impractical and temperamental to be a success. He turned to politics and was defeated in his first try for the legislature, again defeated in his first attempt to be nominated for congress, defeated in his application to be commissioner of the General Land Office, defeated in the senatorial election of 1854, defeated in his efforts for the vice-presidency in 1856, and defeated in the senatorial election of 1858. At about that time, he wrote in a letter to a friend, “I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth.”

The Success Principles(TM): How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be