Principles for Peace

“Oh that I had the wings of a dove I would fly away and be at rest.”  - Psalms 55:6

Last weekend I attended the funeral of my husband’s grandma.  It was a sad occasion, but also a happy occasion as we released her on into her heavenly home.  She was a beautiful Christian lady with a very positive attitude.  She was ALWAYS happy and encouraged  others to be as well.  She signed all cards that she sent everyone with “Be happy” at the end.  She knew that happiness was a Read More »

Yesterday, we began discussing the steps necessary to win through adversity - how to use problems and a positive attitude for your advantage. Today we will continue this discussion. As we noted in the last post, everybody has problems arise so knowing how to deal with it is crucial.

5. Develop and maintain a deep spiritual relationship with your creator, God.
Many times people forget God is there until some tragic event happens and then they turn to God. While it is definitely good to turn to God during these times, if we have a continual abiding relationship with Him all the time it is so much easier to face any problems that arise. He even promised that He will work all things together for good to those that love Him and in my experience that has ALWAYS been true. For more information you can visit www.wbschool.org

6. Figure out if the problem is something that you can change or not.
Often we worry over things that we have no control over.

7. If it is something that you can not change make a resolution to let go of it. It is hard to function properly in aspect of life if you are preoccupied with something over which you have no control. It waste many precious hours. If you can not control it decide to change your attitude about it. It is so liberating to do.

8. If the problem is something you can change, then take a long hard look at it and DECIDE to change it. Program your mind to automatically look for the solution in any problem. This has been one of the single biggest things that has helped me to deal with adversity. When you focus on the problem itself it only gets bigger and bigger. When you tell yourself there is a solution and start looking for it great things happen. Your mind begins to go wild looking for a solution and good comes about as you go to action implementing the solution. Problems are negative. Solutions are positive.

Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude

9. Whether the problem is something that you can change or not, look for the good in it.
Usually I try to make it a rule to never assume anything. But this a a big exception…. Always assume that good is hidden in each difficulty. If you believe that you will find the good. Train your mind to think of a problem as a good thing. W. Clemment Stone is know for saying “Great!” whenever a problem arises. Was he successful?? You better believe it!!Always look for opportunities and you will always find them. This is true not only in adversity, but as you go through out each and every day. It’s a matter of programming the mind that way.

10. Believe it is exactly what you need at the present time.
This is one of my favorites! Assume that whatever circumstance you are currently facing is exactly what you need to best reach your goals and be successful. Wow!!! How powerful is that!! Assume that God has given you this exact problem to help you be who you need to be and do what you need to do, to help you expand and grow. Michael Jordan says it this way… “I succeeded because I failed.” In other words, he trained his mind to think that each failure was exactly what he needed to teach him the lesson he needed.

Go face whatever life throws at you!!!

Well, we all go through it. It’s called adversity. It’s called problems. It’s called trails. It’s called struggles. It’s called whatever you want to call it, but we must all admit that it happens to all of us. No one can escape them. We can live our lives in such a way as to avoid some of them and hopefully we are all working to do that, but things do come up. So if they are inevitable what can we do about them? How can we win over them and come out on top and even become better because of them? That’s what we will talk about today. As I think about all the ingredients necessary to come out on top this may become a series in stead of just one post… It’s so good I can’t write it all in one post

1. Recognize that Problems Do Happen.
As we have already noted, problems do happen. Don’t be foolish enough to think they will never happen to you, because they do happen to EVERYONE. Don’t go around expecting bad things to happen or be paranoid. That will only make things worse. Instead, simply recognize the fact that anything can happen. Recognizing this fact, helps us to be prepared when things do come up. We’re not shocked and taken off guard. Thinking they will never happen to you only sets yourself up for failure. I heard a wise person say one time that you’re either in a problem now, coming out of one or about to enter one.

2. Decide Ahead of Time How You Will React.
Since we know that problems will come up decide ahead of time to be positive. Decide ahead of time that you will come out on top. Decide ahead of time that you will look for the good in each and every problem. It all starts with a decision. If you don’t decide ahead of time how you will react, then you will be devastated with each and every problem.

Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude

3. Look at the Big Picture.
This requires you to HAVE a big picture. In the whole scheme of things how important is this? Will it really matter in one week, one month, one year, ten years or 100 years from now? Sometimes, simply asking yourself that question will eliminate your frustration all together and you can give it up.

The big picture requires you to have vision and goals and priorities. Know where you are going and what’s important to you. Step back and look at things. How does this problem fit into all of this? Does it really fit into your vision and goals? If not, maybe it’s not worth worrying about. Actually, just knowing and laying out a clear vision will prevent you from even considering some things as problems. If you have a clear vision, you may be able to just laugh at some things. If the problem does fit into and effect your vision and priorities follow the rest of the principles laid out here.

4. Focus on the Future.
Again, this requires you to see the big picture and have a clear vision. Know where you are going. Whatever you are facing, focus on the future, instead of the past. Our natural tendency is to turn toward the past and dwell on past failures that remind us of this particular problem. That will only make things worse as that will cause us to be dwelling on the negative. Focusing on the future forces us to think on the positive. Focusing on the past can easily get us into blaming mode, whether that be blaming others or ourselves for this and previous problems. Instead look forward and focus on where you want to be and take responsibility to move yourself in that direction. Focusing on the problem and the past only makes the problem bigger.

Make a decision to start implementing these steps steps today. You CAN come out on top!

More for next time….

Do you ever find yourself disappointed with life? Does it often seem like life is just not treating you fairly? I was at this place in my life for a long time. I didn’t understand why all these good things seemed to be “happening” to some people, while it never happened to me or other people that I knew.

Finally, I heard someone say one time that you get out of life what you put into it. I decided to test this what seemed to me like a hypothesis. What did I have to lose? Well, I’m happy to report that it worked. What I found is that it is not a hypothesis, but rather a principle. In other words it always works. It is something that has natural consequences.

Are you sitting around and waiting for things to happen the way you want them and wondering why they are not turning out the way you want? The biggest secret I can pass along is that these things will never HAPPEN to you – that is if you are sitting around waiting for them to happen. In other words, you have to make life “happen” or turn out the way you want. You see if you are sitting around your life will just sit around with you. If you get up and make some plans and get busy putting them into action your life will go with you. It will take you where you lead it.

Do you want more out of your marriage? Put something into it. It requires effort, selflessness, paying attention and action to make it what you want it to be, not waiting for your spouse to do all the work.

Do you want more out of your business? What are you putting into it? Are you waiting for that “big thing” to happen? Are you putting into it the actions that bring results? Make sure you are spending your time on the activities that do bring results, not just doing busy work.

Are you taking life too seriously? Do you want life to be more fun? What you are you doing to lighten things up? Do you need to look at things a little lighter? Put a little humor into life. Start looking for humor in situations. If you train your mind to look for it you will find it. Point out the funny things and laugh at them. It will go a long way. Make a decision to lighten up and enjoy life more. I’m not saying not to take life seriously. That’s exactly the opposite of the point of this post. Take seriously what you need to, but you will enjoy life a lot more and even get a lot more accomplished if you decide to laugh more and lighten up. Laughter makes your brain work better.

Do you want to get more out of parenthood? What are you putting into it? Are you taking the time to spend with your children? Are you spending quality time with them? Are you taking the time to teach them what is important and instilling the principles of life in them? We all make mistakes, but we can make a decision to move forward.

Is your spiritual life lacking? Are you waiting to see what God is going to do for you? What about asking what you can do for God. It’s amazing the difference you will see. It’s amazing the blessings God will send your way when you work for Him instead of waiting for Him to work for you. Once you put the effort in the returns will be more than you can count.

Do you wish you had better neighbors? Be a better neighbor.

Do you wish you had more friends or that your friends would treat you better? Be a friend. Be a better friend.

Do you want more love? Give more love.

Do you want more happiness? Work to make others happy.

Do you want better health or want your health to last a long time? Take care of your body. Eat healthy, exercise, get rid of the chemicals and toxins in your home and find some high quality nutritional supplements. Think positive. Studies show that changing the way you think and look at things affects your brain chemistry and will improve your health. Laugh more.

Enjoy all the rewards of giving your all. It’s the only way to live!

First of all, let me apologize for not writing more this week. It has been one challenging week, but God just keeps blessing us and we must move on.

Today’s post will cover why marriages and all relationships fail and what can be done about it.

Many experts will say that miscommunication or lack of communication is the number one reason for problems in marriages and relationships and why they fail. While communication is very big, I beg to differ with the fact that it is the number one problem or reason. A closer look will show that it actually goes much deeper.

Let’s reveal the real reasons relationships fail and why happiness so often seems to be so far away. Please do not make the mistake of just reading over these lightly. They are very deep and eye opening (if you are open) and have the potential to dramatically improve your relationships:

1. You think that the other person will make you happy. “If I only have this one person then I will be happy.”

2. You are seeking what you can get out of the relationship and what it and the other person can do for you.

3. You seek to change the other person to suit your needs and make them who you want them to be.

4. You blame the other person for everything that is going wrong in the relationship and for making you unhappy.

5. You take your spouse for granted.
Do you notice a correlation between any of these??? Look closer…. It can be summed up by this:

Selfishness and lack of responsibility.

So now let us explore the problem with the statements above, but most importantly what can be done about them:

1. What’s the problem with the first problem we noted above? If you are looking for your happiness in this person eventually they are going to disappoint you. Then you will be devastated and fall apart. You will also have a tendency to personalize EVERYTHING they do or say. Instead of thinking about how this person is going to or is making you happy, choose to have peace and happiness with in yourself no matter what they do or say or think - or what anyone else says or does or thinks. People will ALWAYS disappoint you no matter how hard they try - period.

2. As long as you are seeking what YOU can get out of the relationship and what it and the other person can do for YOU you will never know love or be satisfied in the relationship. Again, you will be disappointed. Love and happiness only comes when you put aside your own needs and focus on what you can do to please the other person - and DO it. It is only then that your own needs will get met. Love is a choice and requires action. Just give it a try. Your relationship may not change over night, but it will change.

3. Seeking to change the other person to suit your needs and make them who you want them to be might sound like a good idea, but there’s only one problem - you can not change other people. The only thing and person you can change is yourself - your thoughts, feelings and actions. Take a close look at what your faults are - in particular, your faults in the relationship and work to change them. Be open to seeing your faults. If you’re having trouble seeing them, just ask your spouse or the other person. Be humble. Say, “I know I haven’t been the kind of spouse I could be in our relationship. I’m sorry. I want to work on it and get better. Could you please tell me what I can work on?” Be open and prepared to hear what they say. Also, work on thinking positive. Recognize when the first negative thought comes into your head and replace it with a positive thought.

4. As long as you blame the other person for everything that is going wrong in the relationship and for making you unhappy then you will be unhappy. My favorite quote is: “You can blame others for your unhappiness or you can be happy.” As we have already stated, choose to be happy no matter what. Also, instead, take responsibility for everything that is wrong in the relationship, whether it is actually your fault or not, and make a decision to do something to change it. Make a decision to change everything you don’t like by changing it yourself, not by trying to change the other person. Until you stop blaming others for anything, you will always, always be miserable. I know. I learned the hard way. Life is much better and easier when you take responsibility.

5. As long as you take your spouse for granted, you will never care enough to follow these principles. View your spouse as a blessing - a gift from God. Then you will begin to see them in a whole new light. You will see how truly blessed you are to have them and want to do things to please them. Both you and your spouse will enjoy this new view.

Enjoy the changes!!

There once was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a climbing competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants. The race began. No one in the crowd really believed the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

Heard throughout the race were statements such as, “Oh, way too difficult,” “They will never make it to the top,” “Not a chance they will succeed,” and “The tower is too high.”

The tiny frogs began collapsing, one by one—except for those who, in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher. The crowd continued to yell, “It is too difficult! No one will make it!”

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up. But ONE continued to climb higher and higher. This one refused to give up!

At the end of the race, all had given up climbing the tower except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

All of the other tiny frogs wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it. They asked him how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal.

It turned out that the winning frog was DEAF!!!!

So what can we learn? The main point I would like to make is that we can all choose to be “deaf.” That’s right - we can choose to be “deaf” and “turn a deaf ear.” The question is - how do we do it? We can choose ahead of time - beginning right now - that we will not listen to anyone - no one - who says negative things to us or utters discouraging words.

We can CHOOSE right NOW to:

• be happy and
• reach our goals no matter what anyone says.

When I learned this a while back it was one of the most liberating things, if not the most liberating things I ever discovered. Is this difficult? It can be, especially if you have been used to letting yourself be discouraged with everything every one says.

So how do you do it then?

CHOOSE to - right NOW. Remember that no one can rob you of your happiness or keep you from reaching your goals unless YOU give them permission. Life can only be grand if we CHOOSE to make it grand. I would also like to add that we can also CHOOSE not to let any outside circumstances get us down as well. CHOOSE today to be happy and to go for your dreams no matter what anyone says or no matter what happens. Is is possible? Just give it a try. It is a strong person who can turn a deaf ear. The rewards are innumerable!!

I would also like to add that not everyone is fortunate enough to know this lesson. To help them out, be a frog that says only encouraging positive words to others. The difference it can make can set the world on fire for good. Not only will the ones you encourage benefit, but the satisfaction it brings you will grow and warm your heart beyond measure.

Recommended reading:

The Choice

“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman makes the New York Times best selling list for the 30th week. Let’s take a look at why “The Five Love Languages” is so popular. Does this book deliver what it promises?

I would like to give my personal account of “The Five Love Languages”. I was first introduced to this book about a year ago by a friend. She actually let me borrow her audio version of it and gave me a copy of the language profile questions for me and my husband to take. We answered the test questions to determine our love language and listened to the CD. I have to admit that getting past his southern drawl was a bit challenging (even though I am also from the south), but worth it. However, we didn’t really put the effort into it that it called for. I was just very skeptical that each person can be boiled down into one main love language. I’ll talk more about each language in just a minute.

Fortunately, I have recently been given the opportunity to give this material a second chance. I am going through “The Five Love Languages” on DVD (a recorded seminar) and the “The Five Love Languages” workbook with a group of Christians. I have to say it has made a huge impact on our marriage this time around…. Seeing the results has stamped out my skepticism.

According to Gary Chapman the filve love languages are:

• Words of affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Quality time
• Physical touch
• Receiving gifts

As Chapman goes into depth with each one of these we learn that what makes one person feel loved is not necessarily what makes another person feel loved. This information is so relevant in marriages. Most of the time our spouse “speaks” a different love language than we do. What happens is we speak the language to our spouse that is our main love language because that is what WE want and need in order to feel loved. Our spouse does the same for us with his/her love language. However, since we usually have a different language then often times we both go “unloved” even though we are trying. Knowledge of the love languages is key.

“The Five Love Languages” contains a test that both you and your spouse can take to determine your love language. After taking the test and reading the book, and learning exactly what each love language is you then can easily learn to speak your spouse’s love language and vice versa. Then you will both feel loved. Practicing the advice and seeing the results has put aside all skepticism I once had about this book. If you follow Chapman’s advice, this material has the potential to dramatically improve your marriage for life.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Five Love Languages, Member Book, UPDATED