Principles for Peace

“Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position, or prestige. It is discovered in goodness, humility, service, and character.”  - William Arthur Ward

It’s no secret.  We live in a me, me, me world.  We want everything our own way and we want it now.  “It’s my way or the highway,” some say.  Some people see absolutely nothing wrong with this philosophy.  In fact, there are probably some people reading this right now that fall into that group.  You may be saying, “I have to have that philosophy or I’ll get run over in this rat race of a world.”  If that is your philosophy let me ask one question - ok, maybe three - “Do you enjoy being around other people with this attitude?  Have you ever had or seen a good boss that possessed this attitude?  Have you ever been around a person in authority with this philosophy that was effective?”  Chances are you have not.

So, why would you want to be humble in this “me” world?

In SFT, I learned early on in my lessons that humility was necessary in order to process and remove emotional pain.  I was told and I have learned by experience that if humility is not in place then it is impossible to remove the pain of an event or situation.  It’s totally useless to every try.  We also call humility the “me factor” in SFT.  I was trained to ask myself, “How’s my ’me factor on a scale of 1-10?’” before even attempting to process pain.  If humility is not there the pain will remain.  I knew first hand that this was going to be one of the most difficult lessons for me to master.  I was right and selfishness is very easy for me to slip back into if I’m not watching.  As a matter of fact, recently I have noticed myself letting the old selfish bug creep in.  It’s no wonder I’ve been struggling in some other areas as well.  But, pain processing is not the only benefit of humility.

As I was thinking about this post and planning out what to say it all the sudden hit me.  There are so many ironies associated with humility.  What I want to discover today is:

The Misconceptions vs. the Reality of Humility:

Myth 1:  Humility means letting people run all over you.  It means you are no good.

Reality:  Humility requires confidence - confidence in self and in God - to the extent that you don’t need to have everything your way.

Myth 2:  Humility means you are weak.

Reality:  Humility is strength under control.

Myth 3:  Humility is for stupid people.

Reality:  Humility requires wisdom - wisdom to see what the outcome will be if you always demand to have things your way.  (pss.-  No one will want to be around you plus you will be miserable.)

Myth 4:  Having humility means everyone will look down on you. 

Reality:  People will respect you if you consider their needs and wants and let them have their way sometimes.  (Four of the men that I have respected the most in my life were the most humble men I have ever known.)

Myth 5:  Having humility means that you don’t deserve anything and will never have anything.

Reality:  At the root of humility is gratitude.  Gratitude recognizes all the blessing you have even though you don’t deserve them.  True gratitude will lead to more blessings than you could ever imagine.

Myth 6:  You’ll always be a low man on the totem pole if you’re humble.  You have to lift yourself up or nobody else will.

Reality:  The results of humility are that you will be lifted up. 

“Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord and He will exalt you.”                    - James 4:10

Myth 7:  You can’t be humble if you are a leader.

Reality:  You will never be a leader if you are not humble (even though you may be in a leadership position).

Myth 8:  I will never get what I want if I’m humble.  Reality:

“The only way to get what you want is to help other people get what they want.”    - Zig Ziglar

Myth 9:  If you are humble you can’t have your way about everything.

Reality:  This one is actually true.  The only downside is that if you demand that the world revolve around you then you will be miserable and disappointed at best.

“What makes humility so desirable is the marvelous thing it does to us; it creates in us a capacity for the closest possible intimacy with God.”  - Monica Baldwin

 If humility is such a good thing then, “How do I get it?” 

* One thing that has helped me the most along this continual journey is to focus on my blessings.  At one point I wrote down all the blessings I could think of and I reviewed the list daily.  This really got me to see how truly blessed I am even though I don’t deserve the blessings (that is not a “poor pitiful me” mentality).

* Checking your motives is another good way to work on humility.  Is it all about you?  How pure are your motives - honestly?

* Increase your self esteem.  There’s a number of ways to do this.  Work on yourself.  In other words, focus on growth.  Set specific goals for things you can work on.  Read the Bible and other helpful books to gain ideas. 

* Draw near to God.

* Do something constructive and worthwhile.  Be creative and get to work.

* Practice noticing the interests and needs of others and act accordingly.

In other news:

* If you want to learn more about SFT Awareness I encourage you to read my recent post at Jenny Mannion’s blog.

* The P4P Bookstore is finally open!  Come on in a relax.  Browse around to find some books for your personal growth. 

Daily Evaluation
Do you ever feel like your day is spinning hopelessly out of control? I can identify! I am currently going through a book, Time Powerby Charles Hobbs, that is making me really think about things and do some major needed changes in my life. While he doesn’t mention it specifically (or hasn’t really yet anyway), this idea I’m going to blog about, it has certainly made me think a lot about it. The idea, the thought, is: evaluating your day at the end of each day.

Time Powerhas caused me to evaluate my entire life more than I ever have or knew that I could. I think it will be the most life changing thing I’ve ever done in my adult life. He has you to evaluate everything about your values and the way you live, but more on that in another post…..

Important or Urgent?
So this idea of daily evaluation….. Since I am now evaluating my life more, I have been thinking more at the close of each day about how I have spent my time, my day. I have come up with a list of questions to use to evaluate my day at it’s close. I hope they are helpful to you as well. I think I am going to start ranking each question on a scale from 1-10. Here are the questions:

Was it productive and efficient?

Did I do what I set out to do at the beginning of the day?

Did I waste my time?

Did I let fear and procrastination get the best of me?

Did my thoughts, attitudes and actions reflect my values and the significant people and things in my life? (Were my actions throughout the day a reflection of what is truly important to me?)

Did I spend my time working toward my clearly defined goals?

Or did I waste my time on things that were simply urgent, but not even remotely important? Did I rush around like a crazy person who has no control of time or her life in any way, “putting out fires” as some put it?

Or did I sit around watching TV all day or doing something meaningless like that?

For me, my struggle is putting out the insignificant fires - the things screaming for my attention that are urgent but not important. Many people get caught up into these things. If you feel like your life is spinning out of control asking yourself these questions can help get you focused.

What Next?
After ranking each question, the next question to ask is: “How can I improve? How can I make tomorrow better? Be specific and write down the answers to this question. Then at the beginning of each day, after you have gotten dressed for the day, look over this list of how to improve, along with your life goals. Then make a specific list of how to make your day match up with your goals. You may just be amazed at how much time you waste. I know I am amazed!

Time Power

Remember this quote by president Dwight Eisenhower: “Most things which are urgent are not important, and most things which are important are not urgent.”

“Why be normal?”
This was the constant phrase of one of my good friends in high school. I didn’t “get it.” Why did he insist on going against the grain? Why did he think it was a good thing to do? I kept wondering these things. He truly was unique!

While I’m not so sure that my friend’s plot against normalcy was such a good thing, I think this concept deserves much attention. Most definitely you have to NOT be normal to go anywhere or make any difference in this world. Can you name any one person from the past who who strove to be like everyone else that is remembered to this day? Can you think of anyone who has made a difference in this world who strove to be like everyone else? Undoubtedly, everyone who has made a difference has set themselves apart from the norm.

Now what?
Since we all agree that conformity is the enemy of making a difference and leading a successful life where does this leave us?

1. Make a decision to NOT be normal. This takes tremendous self confidence to stick your neck out, but oh the rewards!!! And the ironic thing is the more you decide to be different and take action the more confidence you gain, because you see the difference you make. That confidence will prompt you to be less normal and take even more action. It creates a good healthy cycle. There is nothing that feels better in this world than the feeling of making a difference!!!

2. Study the lives and material of those who have made a difference. Make a list of influential people and do some research on them and what sets them apart. Read what others have written about them. Read the materials they have written. Make a list of what set them apart. Learn from the pros how to make a difference.

3. Put what you learn about these individuals and from them into action. Simply learning what they did and taught will get you nowhere. Take the list you have made of what sets these individuals apart, read it daily and modify it to your life. Ask yourself, “How can I apply what I have learned from these people into my life.” Write it down. Look at it first thing every day and take specific actions toward that goal.

4. Make a list of the rewards you will receive for setting yourself apart. Review this list daily also. Constantly remind yourself of the benefits of setting yourself apart. It will keep you going and moving forward.

5. Make a list of consequences of being normal. This could be as simple as writing at the top of a piece of paper, “This is what my life will look like and the difference I will make if I strive to be normal:” and leave the rest of the page blank.

6. Make a decision to take action. Yes, I know this is a repeat of number three.

7. Take action.

8. Take action.

Decision -> action -> rewards!

Make Yourself Unforgettable: The Dale Carnegie Class-Act System

Have you ever failed at anything (or multiple things) and because of that thought that you were a failure and that you would never succeed at anything? Maybe this will make you think:

Thomas Edison’s teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?”
Edison replied,

“I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Remember you are only a failure if you listen to yourself and others and who tell you so. Resolve today to turn your failures into steps.

The Law of Success In Sixteen Lessons by Napoleon Hill (Complete, Unabridged)

There once was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a climbing competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants. The race began. No one in the crowd really believed the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

Heard throughout the race were statements such as, “Oh, way too difficult,” “They will never make it to the top,” “Not a chance they will succeed,” and “The tower is too high.”

The tiny frogs began collapsing, one by one—except for those who, in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher. The crowd continued to yell, “It is too difficult! No one will make it!”

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up. But ONE continued to climb higher and higher. This one refused to give up!

At the end of the race, all had given up climbing the tower except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

All of the other tiny frogs wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it. They asked him how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal.

It turned out that the winning frog was DEAF!!!!

So what can we learn? The main point I would like to make is that we can all choose to be “deaf.” That’s right - we can choose to be “deaf” and “turn a deaf ear.” The question is - how do we do it? We can choose ahead of time - beginning right now - that we will not listen to anyone - no one - who says negative things to us or utters discouraging words.

We can CHOOSE right NOW to:

• be happy and
• reach our goals no matter what anyone says.

When I learned this a while back it was one of the most liberating things, if not the most liberating things I ever discovered. Is this difficult? It can be, especially if you have been used to letting yourself be discouraged with everything every one says.

So how do you do it then?

CHOOSE to - right NOW. Remember that no one can rob you of your happiness or keep you from reaching your goals unless YOU give them permission. Life can only be grand if we CHOOSE to make it grand. I would also like to add that we can also CHOOSE not to let any outside circumstances get us down as well. CHOOSE today to be happy and to go for your dreams no matter what anyone says or no matter what happens. Is is possible? Just give it a try. It is a strong person who can turn a deaf ear. The rewards are innumerable!!

I would also like to add that not everyone is fortunate enough to know this lesson. To help them out, be a frog that says only encouraging positive words to others. The difference it can make can set the world on fire for good. Not only will the ones you encourage benefit, but the satisfaction it brings you will grow and warm your heart beyond measure.

Recommended reading:

The Choice

I came across this information and am not sure where it came from, but it most certainly sounds like Brian Tracy’s information since it mentions the phrase “eat that frog” which Brian Tracy talks a lot about.

I found this to be a very eye opening and informative article on time and life management that I am going to consider and practice now. It really makes you consider how you’re spending your time and life.

APPLY THE 80/20 RULE TO EVERYTHING

The 80/20 Rule is one of the most helpful of all concepts of time and life management. It is also called the “Pareto Principle” after its founder, the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto, who first wrote about it in 1895. Pareto noticed that people in his society seemed to divide naturally into what he called the “vital few”, the top 20 percent in terms of money and influence, and the “trivial many”, the bottom 80 percent.

He later discovered that virtually all economic activity was subject to this principle as well. For example, this principle says that 20 percent of your activities will account for 80 percent of your results, 20 percent of your customers will account for 80 percent of your sales, 20 percent of your products or services will account for 80 percent of your profits, 20 percent of your tasks will account for 80 percent of the value of what you do, and so on. This means that if you have a list of ten items to do, two of those items will turn out to be worth five or ten times or more than the other eight items put together.

Number of Tasks versus Importance of Tasks
Here is an interesting discovery. Each of the ten tasks may take the same amount of time to accomplish. But one or two of those tasks will contribute five or ten times the value of any of the others.

Often, one item on a list of ten tasks that you have to do can be worth more than all the other nine items put together. This task is invariably the frog that you should eat first.

Focus on Activities, Not Accomplishments
The most valuable tasks you can do each day are often the hardest and most complex. But the payoff and rewards for completing these tasks efficiently can be tremendous. For this reason, you must adamantly refuse to work on tasks in the bottom 80 percent while you still have tasks in the top 20 percent left to be done.

Before you begin work, always ask yourself, “Is this task in the top 20 percent of my activities or in the bottom 80 percent?”

The hardest part of any important task is getting started on it in the first place. Once you actually begin work on a valuable task, you will be naturally motivated to continue. A part of your mind loves to be busy working on significant tasks that can really make a difference. Your job is to feed this part of your mind continually.

Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time

Motivate Yourself
Just thinking about starting and finishing an important task motivates you and helps you to overcome procrastination. Time management is really life management, personal management. It is really taking control of the sequence of events. Time management is having control over what you do next. And you are always free to choose the task that you will do next. Your ability to choose between the important and the unimportant is the key determinant of your success in life and work.

Effective, productive people discipline themselves to start on the most important task that is before them. They force themselves to eat that frog, whatever it is. As a result, they accomplish vastly more than the average person and are much happier as a result. This should be your way of working as well.

As a continuation of of the last post we’ll take a look at the 6th law of time management and quiet possibly the most important.

Evaluation - We talked about analyzing things as you go throughout the day, but let’s take that a step further. At the end of each day take a look at your list of time wasters and evaluate yourself on how you did. Mentally go through each part of your day and see how you can make improvements. Commit to do better each and every day and becoming more and more conscious of time management and eliminating time wasters and replacing them with things that work toward your goals until it is second nature to you.

What we’re talking about here is replacing bad habits with good habits. The result will be peace of mind and extra time to do the fun things in life and not feel guilty about them.

Goals! How to Get Everything You Want–Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible