Since Mother’s Day is around the corner, my original thought for this post was to find a great poem about mothers and to post it here and to talk a little bit about the poem. Well, the problem came when I couldn’t find a poem that I liked, so another thought came to my mind. I thought that I would instead write about characteristics of mothers that promote peace in her children. This partly came about because I am not yet a mother and I am constantly asking myself, “If I have children what are the things that I want to instill in them?” And more specifically lately, I have been thinking about how I will work to bring about inner peace or peace of mind in their lives.
So what are some characteristics, some qualities that a mother can possess or exhibit to bring about peace in her children?
1. Listening and understanding. I’m not just talking about surface listening. I want to be the kind of mother that truly seeks to understand what my children are saying beneath their actual words. What is their body language saying? What are their feelings? What are the thoughts behind those feelings? What are their deepest strongest desires and wishes in life? What are their interests?
2. Since peace is the absence of conflict, I want to be a mother who encourages my children to reach their full potential. If I listen to their interests and what they want to do and encouarge them to go for it with all their being, then what I will be doing is removing any inner conflict they have that could possibly tell them that they can’t really do what they want to do. In other words I want to eliminate any self limiting beliefs that could possibly arise within them. I don’t even want it to ever enter their minds that they can’t do something.
3. When a conflict arises, I want to be a mother that focuses on the solution, not the problem - whether that be a conflict between me and the children or between the children themselves. Focusing on any problem only brings about more problems and more conflict; therefore the absense peace.
4. Also, as a mother who promotes peace, I think it is necessary to raise my children with a purpose. I see the need to lay out the values and principles that I want to instill in my children and focus on them every day. I think the biggest mistake that parents make (and it’s one I would have made if I had raised children before this time in my life) is to not raise them with a purpose. By focusing on these values and principles I see that the most important thing for me to do to eliminate conflict in this area and to promote peace is to:
5. Walk the talk, as many people call it. In other words, I need to exemplify these values and principles since children always do what you do, not what you say. Many people say what they think is important and talk about others who do not do what is important, but few actually do it themselves. Clearly laying out these values and priorities will eliminate any doubts or conflicts in the child of what is important to me and they will likely follow suit.
6. One of these values that I believe is crucial for me to promote and teach peace to my children is humility and selflessness. I believe with humility that about all conflict in the world will be nonexistent. That is what I have seen in my life. When I am being selfish and self centered then I have lots of conflict in my life. When, on the other hand, I forget about myself and focus on the needs of others then I get my needs met also and everyone is happy and full of peace and happiness. There is no doubt that with a mother’s selfless giving and humility that her children will not only have peace, but that she will find it also. That is not at all to say they she should ignore her needs, for that is a sure recipe for inner conflict.
7. One more ingredient I see necessary for me to raise my children to have inner peace is to teach them to see things in perspective or to see the big picture. In other words, I want to teach them to look at long term consequences or results of their actions or thoughts. Will what they are doing now effect things for the good or the bad? Will the current situation matter tomorrow, next week, next decade? Will it matter 20 or 30 years from now. I believe teaching them to think this way will help them to not focus on instant gratification, but to think through things. It will help them not to get too wrapped up in their problems, thus eliminating conflict.
Well, I certainly haven’t covered everything here that I want to teach my children, but this is a good start and I know these are absolutely necessary for me to instill in them….
For those of you who are not yet parents: What are some things you want to do to promote inner peace in your children?
For those of you who are parents: What are some things you do to promote peace in your children?
Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World
