Success or Failure?
evaluation, positive attitude, positive thinking, success August 3rd, 2009
photo by: Jeff Kubina
The story is told of Thomas Edison… (If you Google it, the numbers range anywhere from around 700 to 10,000 attempts or greater, but the numbers aren’t really important.) The story goes that Edison failed somewhere between 700-10,000 times before he invented the light bulb. Well, that’s how most people would see it. It is reported that someone asked him somewhere in the midst of his attempts why he was still trying to invent the light bulb when he had already failed so many times. His answer was that he hadn’t failed all those times, but rather that he had successfully figured out that many ways a light bulb won’t work.
We’re hard on ourselves…. very hard on ourselves…. We talk worse to ourselves than we would allow anyone else to talk to us. We try something and it doesn’t work and we label ourselves a failure. We try something else and there we go again - We’re a failure once again. “I just can’t do anything. I’m no good.” The only problem is we’re not a failure until we give ourselves permission to believe that. The truth is that we can all do lots of things and we all have immense value.
It’s all about how we see things. We’re only failures if we tell ourselves we are. Have you failed at something? More than one something? How hard are you on yourself? Is it possible that you could learn some things from these “unsuccessful” attempts? Is it possible that you could learn from these attempts what does not work? What if we constantly had a learning mindset? What if we stopped beating ourselves up long enough to observe what went wrong for the purpose of learning from each “unsuccessful” attempt?
Ask anyone who you consider to be a success? Each and every one of them could tell you things they have tried that did not work. The reason that they are where they are today is because they did not tell themselves they were a failure when something they tried did not work. They refused to believe that lie. They eagerly learned from their attempts what did not work. It’s a mindset for them - a way of life - not a one time question of what went wrong.
While I have heard this lesson many times, it really struck me this last time I heard it. Have I at times quickly written myself off as a failure? Sure I have. But I am not a failure. You are not a failure!
Your turn:
Have you ever labeled yourself as a failure?
What is one thing you have tried and had success?
What have you attempted and successfully learned did not work?
Want to prove to yourself that you are not a failure? Write down 10 things in which you have succeeded. There is nothing to small. Can you tie your shoe? Then you succeeded at that. (It’s likely you failed a few times at that before you mastered it. You probably even learned some ways that didn’t work before you did master it.)
At the end of each day start asking yourself, “At what was I successful today? What have I successfully learned today that did not work? What can I try tomorrow that might just make it work? (or what can I do different tomorrow?)”
(Remember: It’s a mindset, not a one time question.)
You fail only when you stop trying and give up. Till then, it’s just another step towards success.
An interesting book I read some days back [Whoever makes the most mistakes wins - Richard Farson] spoke about success and failure both being part of journey and not some specific destinations.
One of my fav. quote on success-failure is by Michael Jordan :
I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
This is a great article.
The funny thing is that “success” and “failure” are completely subjective terms. What is a success in one person’s book is a failure in another’s.
Everything is just a result. I either create the results I intend, or I create unintended results. Since ALL of my reality is a reflection of my current state of Being … well, then I’m obviously not aligned with my intentions yet. That’s a great thing to know … kind of like it’s good to know how NOT to invent a lightbulb.
I like your point that we’re only failures if we label ourselves such. So true!
Blessings,
Andrea
Jennifer,
It’s so easy to say - “I haven’t failed, I’ve only found another way that doesn’t work”. It can be another story altogether to put this into real practice. Have I ever labeled myself a failure? Definitely. For a success - I’m going with something small. We have a garden this year. And have had for most of the last ten years. And it’s something that has never been completely successful (my thumbs are the wrong color!). Yet, I still take small success as just that - success. And sometimes we try different things, different plants, and different techniques. And sometimes, we’ve given up and said it’s not worth the effort that year. Yet, even when we give up, and this might look like failure - every year we have re-grouped and tried something again. And maybe someday we’ll decide it’s no longer worth having a garden (I don’t see that happening anytime soon, though) - that still doesn’t mean it’s a failure, as we’ve had success along the way (like our peapods this year!) and we’re making a decision based upon more than just seeing the fruit of our labors. It’s based also upon how we want to use our time, and so it becomes a conscious decision to move in a different direction.
Jennifer, I want you to know how much success I see in you - you’re filled with success, and a kind that comes from deep within - which is a rich and lasting success…
I teach me students to fail like Thomas Edison when processing pain events. Sometimes the attitudes and skills that will take us to the new level are so new to us that we must fail with them before learning how to master them.
Hi Avani. I love what you said about how you only fail when you stop trying and give up. That is so true.
I like the journey idea. I like that. And I like the title of his book. That sounds like a very good read. Thank you for sharing that. And thank you for the reminder of Michael Jordan’s quote. He has so much to say about success and we all listen because of his example. I appreciate your input here. Your thoughts give us all something to think about.
Hi Andrea. So true about success and failure being subjective terms. It’s all about how we ourselves define it and the standards we set for ourselves.
I really like your thoughts about our reality being a reflection of our current state of being and how we can look at that and see how we’re not aligned and how we can learn from it. That’s wonderful information to have so we can see where we need to go next. It’s so easy for people to look at their current situation and get discouraged. It’s all about how we see things and what we choose to do with it.
Hi Lance. That’s so true about how learning from our mistakes is easier said than done.
Thank you for such a great example of success with your garden. You’ve had successes and and failures with it, but with each failed attempt you learned something. And I just bet that you grew closer as a family as you worked your garden each year - even through the times where the garden didn’t go so well. I call that success! I’m glad to know that peapods can grow with the wrong color of thumb. I’m going to remember that. I’m sure that information will come in handy for me some time.
I think you hit upon an excellent point about knowing when to move onto something else. That doesn’t necessarily indicate failure at something. Maybe it does mean that we learned that we had rather use our time in a different way or that we need to use our time in a different way. (as long as we’re not just making excuses - and I know that’s not what you mean.)
Thank you for your words Lance. I am working toward something that I love. I think that’s how Earl Nightingale defines success and I’ll go with that. It does come from within. And to that I would have to say that I also see much success in you. I see success in your life and how you live it. That “how” is the kind of lasting success.
Hmmm…. Gary…. wonder where I got the idea for this post?? Oh that’s right. It was from your great teaching.
It is such a powerful lesson isn’t it! When you related it to processing pain and how we learn from each failed attempt at processing that really struck me. Learning the attitudes and skills with which to process pain is certainly something that people do not master over night. It must be practiced - and mastered through practice. So instead of thinking, “what’s the use?” if we fail at an attempt to process a pain event we can think, “Well, what I tried this time didn’t work. Let’s see how I can do it different next time. It’s certainly worth pushing through all the failed attempts and learning from them!!!!! Thank you for your comment Gary (and for the inspiration for this post).
Jennifer,
You’re so right. We don’t become a failure until we label ourselves a failure!
To this day I’m not a great cook. My kids laugh at the food I made or should I say attempted to make for them when they were young.
I haven’t ever said I failed at cooking. I’ve never been interested in it.
I use mostly fresh fruits and vegtables today and stay completely away from red meat. I do eat fish, chicken and turkey but make it on the grill year round.
Great post!
Hi Tess. It’s all how we see ourselves, isn’t it.
Great illustration about your cooking. I know of a few other people I could say the same things about, but they haven’t failed at it. I think I would consider Tess anything but a failure. Your life is full I know - and a success in so many important ways.
Your diet sounds a lot like ours. We eat red meat occasionally, but it’s very very rare. I only started buying a very small amount for the grill this summer. I don’t think I’ll be grilling year round though.
Have a great evening with many more successes!
It is definately a lesson I had to learn to get where I am. Great article Jennifer.
Thanks Gary. It’s all about learning, isn’t it!
Hi Jennifer,
I love this story of Edison and have told it to people many times. I agree with what others have said in the comments that we are not a failure until we accept that we have failed I like to view things this way: I do not fail, I just did not get the results I aimed for, therefore I will adjust my approach and try again. I will try UNTIL….until I succeed.’
Very nice article.
Hi Keith. Welcome! Isn’t this a great story… and for some reason I forget it periodically and have to remind myself. We really aren’t failures until we resign to that. I love your view of not getting the results you aimed for. I truly do love that. What’s the old saying… “If at first you don’t succeed try try again.” I think that adage leaves something out though - the fact that we have to keep changing and adjusting our approach UNTIL…. until we succeed.
Thanks again Keith for stopping by.
Jennifer — I liked this post. While I’ve read about Thomas Edison many time, it always makes me feel good to know how persistent he was.
For a long time, I used to wallow in my failures and I’ve had my share. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that most of my so called “failures” were actually stepping stones to something else more important.
For example, I studied to be a life coach, but I was never really successful at it. At first, I was really mad at myself for all time and money I had invested.
Then a coaching friend told me that I coached through my writing. This was a turning point for me. I realized my life coach training had returned me to my biggest passion,which is writing!
So, my “failure” as a life coach ended up being a success. I now do something I love and am happier than ever before:~)
Sara, Edison’s persistence always inspires me as well - every time I hear it.
Hindsight is 20/20 isn’t it! I too have had the same exact types of experiences…. Spent a lot of money and failed at something, but in reality it was a true stepping stone to something even better. You gave such a great example that I can relate to so well.
Congratulations on being returned to your biggest passion! All the best to you. I know you will have much success doing what you love. You have so much to offer in this way.
Ya this completely depends on one’s perspective.I failed in an interview and for a moment i thought that i am big looser and can’t do thing properly. But later i realized that i should take this failure as just another learning lesson and try not to commit the same mistake.
Aditya, exactly! Great job of realizing the thinking error and changing it to a healthy response. It’s all about learning from things.