The Power of NO
Peace, balance, priorities, time management, wisdom June 18th, 2009
photo by: Robert van der Steeg
“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. “ ~ Goethe
The clock is ticking. It still is. Time doesn’t stop. You only have a limited amount of time that you live on this earth.
As you close your eyes tonight - this very night - another day will have ended. Will you look back at the day fulfilled - satisfied with how you spent your time? If you were to write down all the things you did or all the ways you spent your time what would it reflect?
What/who is important to you? Have you spent your time doing those things or with those people? - or were you instead doing things that were screaming for your attention, but weren’t really important at all?
If you have been doing those things that are important or spending your time with those who are important to you HOW have you spent that time or HOW have you treated those people? Does it reflect what is really important?
Things scream for our attention at all times. Are they important? Think about that. Ponder….. Are they really deep down important or do they just seem important?
Ways we spend our time:
* There are things we can be doing with our time that have no meaning or importance whatsoever. They are simply time wasters. They can even be enjoyable (they may not be.), but they ARE time wasters. Nothing else can really be said about them. If we were to really stop and think we would know what they are…… Go ahead.
* There are things we can be doing with our time that are problems or crisis that must be resolved now. They are
urgent. They are important. They have to be taken care of.
* There are things we can be doing with our time that are urgent and seem important, but may not be important at all. They can be very tricky. They MAY even be good things to do - even really good things, but they are not as good as the BEST things we could be doing with our time - the MOST important.
* And then there are things we can be doing with our time that are not urgent at all, but are important. This is where most people do NOT spend their time, but where only REAL satisfaction lies. This is where long term results are found. It is about tending to the eternal side of us - the side that lives forever. It is about people - relationship building. It is about planning the things that are most important and doing them. Other activities can give us a temporary sense of satisfaction - they make us feel good for the moment, but then…… the emptiness sets in. It is real. It is deep. There is no denying it - if we are truly honest with ourselves. There is no escaping it. Or is there? What if… just
what if….
We learned to say NO?
What if we said NO to the time wasters? What if we said NO to the good? - What??? - You must think I’m crazy now. What if we said NO to the really good? - so that we could say YES to the BEST - to the IMPORTANT - the MOST IMPORTANT? What would your life be like? How would it change?
Your turn:
What/who do you want to say YES to? What/who WILL you say YES to?
What/who MUST you say NO to in order to say YES? What/who WILL you say NO to?
Now close your eyes. Picture what your life will look like with all the YESes and NO’s in place.
Will you join with me in committing to not letting the most important things suffer at the expense of the less important things?
Remember when you say YES to something you are also saying NO to something else. When you say NO to something you are also saying YES to something else. Take some time now to write down what you WILL say YES and NO to?
* Note: This post is inspired by life mixed with information from Stephen R. Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and First Things First
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Jennifer’s crazy!!!
Well…maybe not…
As I was reading this, I kept thinking to myself that this does sure sound like the four quadrants that Stephen Covey discusses - and then sure enough, there it is! I’ll give myself a little pat on the back…
The “7 Habits” books was one of the first I read, many years ago, on personal growth, and one I still refer to often. So, I’m in complete agreement with the importance of spending time in that quadrant that’s important but not urgent. In fact, I’m even more reminded of that today. I’ve just returned from a funeral, for a young man, 25 years old, who died in a motorcycle accident this past weekend. Moments like this very clearly remind me of what is truly important in life. It’s not more “things”, it’s stronger relationships with those who really and deeply matter - for me. And that says my focus should be on the people in my life, honestly and genuinely. Our day will come too. And when it does, I want to have made a difference in other’s lives. Been a true friend. Cared. Loved. Walked with someone. Have been a light.
Am I there? I know I can do better. I know that I sometimes ’slip up’. Sometimes I spend too much time in those other quadrants. Sometimes I let the world direct me, instead of that inner source - my connection to God. Sometimes I simply ’screw up’.
When I do focus on what really and deeply matters, though, I’m in a place that brings me much joy and peace. And it’s a great place to be, because it’s so deeply connected to “me”. And I’m spending more time in this space. And it’s good, Jennifer, very good.
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” ~ Steve Jobs
Jennifer, you ARE crazy. I mean that. And I mean that with only love and caring for all you’re saying.
Lances last blog post..Old Hat, New Hat
I have learned to say no to television. Talk about a major time and money saver. I also do not have to experience the constant bombardment of others telling me how I should think and live. It is great.
Gary Washers last blog post..Keeping this World in its Proper Perspective
Hi Lance.
Ok, we all know I’m crazy anyway.

Lance, you’re always looking for ways to applaud yourself, aren’t you!
The 7 Habits was among my very first as well. It truly is life changing and I’m so glad that I read it. I also refer back to it often.
What a tragic story of this man who died. I’m sorry Lance that you’re experiencing this and my sympathy goes out to the family. It is a true reminder to us living and who hear of this of what is really important. It’s not the things, is it?! It’s the people and the impact we’re making on them. Lance you are making a difference - a big difference. Don’t forget that! Sure we all slip up, but you are working on the right quadrant. You know what’s important Lance and it shows.
It is interesting isn’t it that when we spend time in the right quadrant we do find that lasting joy and peace and fulfillment. I’m so glad you are spending more and more time there. I know you’re happy because of it.
What an amazing quote and……. I almost cried Lance. Thank you. I don’t know what else to say, but that “misfit” - that probably does fit me and I’m good with that.
Thanks again Lance. You’re crazy yourself!
Hi Gary, yeah, that TV thing can be a big time waster! I’ve never been a big TV watcher although I found myself watching a lot more of it while Chris was away and now I’m breaking the habit. There’s just no joy there. It is very liberating not to have the TV telling us how we should live isn’t it! Gary, this is for you since you just go married…. Chris and I decided that we didn’t want a TV when we first got married - at least for the first year or so. I didn’t miss it at all - especially since I’ve never been a big TV watcher anyway. Someone found out and felt sorry for us and gave us an old one they had. It’s funny though - we didn’t feel sorry for ourselves at all or even want the TV really. They just surprised us and brought it over one night.
I never could get into that book! Oh well I must have learned a few things in others.
I’ve always valued my relationships with myself and others as my no. 1 priority. And when I say others you need to know I’ve dropped the crazy makers from my life years ago. I have only the very best people in my life. People who me forward and challenge me to grow.
My father died last week and his funeral was yesterday. I felt very loved by my family and friends who came to offer sympathy. My dad would have been 90 in three weeks. My mother is still living at 88.
Today I asked my husband if he knew he would live that long what would he want to do with the time he had left?
I also have pondered that guestion through out the week. I’m not sure I have the total answer yet but it would involve being the most loving and kind person I can possibly be.
Because my children and I live in 3 different states it was the first time in 4 years we were all together. I visit all of them regularly and have a new grandson that I’m so exicted about.My life is full and I am blessed with another 40 + years ahead of me if I live as long as my parents do!
I think I rattled a litte and lost my place a few times in this comment but thanks for providing the space to do that!
Tess The Bold LIfes last blog post..10 Powerful Tips for Financial Freedom
Hi Jennifer,
It’s been awhile since I visited, but I do have to say, I still absolutely love the picture in your header. I could stare at it forever. Its’ SO peaceful.
Years ago I learned to say “no”. At times I’ve felt guilty as I was afraid I was hurting others feelings, but I also tried to explain why I was saying “no”.
I totally agree, if we don’t choose what we say no and yes to, often the choice gets made for us. This is a great reminder for all of us to stop and think before we agree/disagree to do something.
BTW: I’m so happy to see you’re still blogging and sharing such valuable lessons in life.
Blessings to you and yours.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Do “They” Have The Right To Know
Hi Tess. Hmmm….. so you had a hard time with the book. From what I know about you I think you do all the things in it. Maybe it you just found it boring because you already do those things. Me - it was all new to me when I read it and I’m still working on many of the things.
I can tell that people are very important to you. I think it’s great that you have chosen to surround yourself with the right people. So often people let others drag them down not realizing they have a choice. And there’s number one of the seven habits - “Be proactive” - in action.
Tess, I am so sorry about your father. I wish I could give you a hug. I know you must be hurting so much, but I’m also pretty certain that you don’t have any regrets because he was such an important person in your life and you let him know it. You are so blessed to have had him in your life for so long. And I know he was blessed many times over by having you as a daughter. And what a blessing to still have your mother around at age 88. You truly are blessed! (but I know I didn’t need to tell you that.)
Tess, you are an EXTREMELY loving and kind person already and I have no doubt that you will only continue to be so throughout the rest of your life. You are one person I’d love to meet someday. Your kindness always shines forth. You’re one of a kind.
I’m so glad that you were able to visit with all of your children at one time, even though it was under such tough circumstances. Your life is full. You are richly blessed. Congratulations on your new grandson. I know you are thoroughly enjoying him. May you live to see him be at least 40 years old.
Tess, you can lose your place anytime around here. You are always welcome with whatever you have to say. Thank you for being you and thank you for being here.
Hi Barbara. It has been a while, but I’m glad you stopped in again. I’m glad you love the picture. You’re welcome to just come gaze at it any time. It is VERY peaceful, isn’t it!
I know you felt relieved when you learned to say no. I think especially in the beginning of us realizing we can say no and doing it that we most always feel guilty to some extent. We’re breaking out of our comfort zone. It’s when we start seeing the results and benefits of doing it that we can start letting go and feeling good about it. When we focus on what we’ve chosen to say yes to then the peace will come. I think it’s good to tell people why you’re saying no, at least some of the time. However, I think there is a distinct difference in explaining why and explaining (justifying) ourselves. (I know you know that Barbara.)
Yes, if we don’t make the choice, it does get made for us. We must think before we say yes or no. We will only be glad we did.
Blessings to you and yours as well! It’s great to see you here again.
I learned to say no to abuse in any form. I learned to say no to those aggravating phone calls from telemarketers. I learned to say no to overscheduling my time. I learned to say no to things that I don’t really want to do.
Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Revisiting Forgiveness
Hi Patricia. It sounds like you truly have learned the value of saying no. Thank you for sharing all these life changing examples with us. I know you are a much happier person for doing so. These are all great things to say no to.
Pretty cool post. I just came by your blog and wanted to say
that I’ve really enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case
I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon!
[...] Anthony Robbins…. Have you heard of him? If you’ve been into personal growth for very long it’s likely you have. He lives and thrives on improving the quality of people’s lives. I think that’s pretty noble. Robbins was the featured guest In the January 2009 Issue of Success magazine. There is an article about him in this issue followed by a question and answer session with him. It is from that question and answer session that this post is based upon. (Click here to read the full article and interview.) [...]
Thanks Jenny. Welcome! I just found your comment tucked away in spam. It’s great to have you here. Hope you continue to enjoy being here and let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.