The Power of Replacement
Emotional Healing, Pain processing, balance, cognitive behavioral therapy, inner peace, opportunities, positive thinking, principles, priorities March 13th, 2009

photo by: marcoPapale.com
If I mentioned the song, “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” what would you think of? Have you ever got a song stuck in your head and you could not get it out? You just could not stop singing it no matter how hard you tried? That’s pretty annoying, isn’t it! Do you know the best way to stop that song from repeating itself in your head? Playing another song or songs is probably the best way. There is a powerful lesson contained in this called replacement.
Certainly we can apply this to any area of our lives. In keeping with our theme of inner peace, when there are things that are in our lives that do not bring about peace, we must do a “house cleaning” and replace them. First, we must recognize what we need to cleanse from our lives, but recognition is not enough. We must take action and purge our lives of the things that are not good and replace them with the things that make for peace.
Let’s apply this concept of replacement to our thoughts.
I think we would probably all agree that negative thinking and inner peace can not coexist. When one is present the other is absent.
Whether you choose to focus on your thoughts or not, your day will be filled with them. They just do not stop. We have thoughts all day. Most people just aren’t aware of their thoughts most of the time. The problem with that is when we are not aware of our thoughts and consciously choose them then they are often negative in nature.
The good thing is that we can become conscious of our thoughts and we do have a choice of what we think. We can replace the thoughts that are not beneficial with ones that are. Let’s look at…
Some signs of negative thinking:
- Any negative emotion (We’ve all experienced them.)
- Anger
- Frustration
- Sadness
- Depression
- Expecting bad things to happen
- Dwelling in the past
- Thinking about something you do not like.
- Thinking about someone you do not like.
- Thinking of all the times in the past a similar negative event occurred.
- Thinking about all the times in the future a similar event will likely occur.
- Thinking about the things you do not like about someone or why you do not like them.
- Thinking about someone or something you do not like over and over again.
- Asking “Why?” as in, “Why is this happening to me?”
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*Note, I find it helpful not to look at these signs as “bad guys,” but as helpful indicators that I need to stop and take a look at what’s bothering me and deal with it and learn from it. (That itself was a thought replacement.) It is often helpful to take a deeper look and ask why this is really bothering me (in an effort to grow from it, not wallow in it). Depending on my HALT condition, I may go ahead and change the thought(s) or I may wait til later when I can think more clearly. The important thing at this point is that I have recognized that I need to deal with it. Then I can move on without dwelling on it in a negative fashion.
How do I replace thoughts?
Whenever the time is appropriate, I take a look at my thoughts that are not beneficial to me and replace them with thoughts that are beneficial and accurate.
Example
For instance, if someone said something or some event happened that triggered me to feel sad, I might take a look and see that I was actually hearing a voice, that said, “See, that just confirms that you’ll never be able to do this.” When in reality it confirms nothing of the sort. I can mentally do a “house cleaning” and throw that thought out. An accruate replacement might be, “I’m going to have to do something else to get the results I want.” or “I’m going to have to push hard to get past this obstacle, but I can do it. Nothing is going to stop me.”
How else can I apply this?
The principle of replacement can be applied to almost anything. For instance, bad habits… Replace them with good habits. Are you a snack junkie? First identify the foods that are not good for you. Then cleanse your house, car, and office of these things and replace them with fruits and nuts or other healthy snacks. Maybe you’re a snack junkie for some deeper reason…. Maybe those thoughts need to be identified, purged and replaced.
Are you too busy? Stop and take a look at what’s making you so busy. Is it a particular belief that you think you have to always be busy for some reason? Is it because you haven’t set priorities? Cleanse your life of beliefs that are not helpful and replace them with ones that are. Make a list of priorities. Then make a list of the things that you are currently doing. Circle the things that you are doing that do not match up with your list of priorities. Throw them out. (Yes, I know personally that it is very hard to let go of things, but it’s worth it.) Now take a look at all your free time. Replace this time with things that do match your priority list. (You may choose just to keep some of it as free time for relaxation.) You’ll feel much more at peace with yourself.
Your turn:
How else do you see that the principle of replacement can be applied?
How have you successfully applied the principles of replacement?
This post was helpful. How can I contribute something in return?
By purchasing from the coffee shop or bookstore. (It’s for a good cause.)







Hi Jennifer,
When do I feel signs of negative thinking? Well…I definitely notice this when I feel “late”. There are many examples - the one that comes to mind first is when I’m late (or at least perceive I am) to get somewhere. Just the other day (well, a couple of times in the last week) I was “late” to someplace I was driving to - by just a few minutes - and, to top it off, late is a relative term as I wasn’t missing anything. So, I was off - and ended up behind a couple of slow cars. And I started to feel agitated, and patience was worn thin. That’s when I stopped (well, not physically stopped the car) and evaluated what good was this doing. And I did a replacement. In this case, I turned and took a road that was off the main road, with almost no traffic at all. As soon as I did this, I felt myself become more calm. More than that, though, this being a less-traveled road (which I’m well aware of and have traveled several times before) - I wasn’t even driving as fast as I was when I was behind the slow cars. And still, I felt much calmer. And - it didn’t matter any more - that I would be “late” - especially since late was a relative term in this case, a perceived late by me, and not by anyone else. So, my “replacement” provided a much more scenic view - but more than that - it brought me back to a sense of much more positive thinking - and much more conscious about it all. And I’ve found this several times recently - as soon as I become conscious of my thoughts - I’m in a much better position to see them for what they are - and if negative - make that swap. This is not to say I always get it right. This is just an example of where this principle you’re talking about, Jennifer, really made a difference! How I can become more aware - and do an even better job of replacement - that’s where I will focus on. Where I haven’t done quite so good - relationships - especially I’m thinking about with my wife. Not that we have disagreements very often - but they do come up. This is one area I could focus on trying to apply this replacement principle. And see the positive in it all - or work toward getting back to a positive - instead of holding on to negative thoughts and a belief that “I’m right”…
Jennifer, thank you. This is settling into my mind very well…
Lances last blog post..Finding Balance In The Jungle
@Lance- I am like that about being late. For me, to be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, and to be late is unacceptable. I am married to a time challenged guy and I have had to work on letting it go when his piddling is going to make us late. I am better than I was and for the times when it really matters, I take my own car.
Jennifer, I have really worked on my thoughts in the past year or so. My hub and I were having problems and I would focus on all the things that I would change about him. Now I “effort” to focus on the things that are good. He does have so much good. I am also making the effort to look for the good in something. I try to reframe events to find a positive slant. Now my business partner teases me and calls me Miss Sunshine, because I will find something good in everything (well almost).
That is funny- I have those same thoughts when I am late, especially if it is an outside source that is making me late. I have spent a great deal of time dealing with negative thoughts left over from childhood. Swapping is a good technique- we must do it consciously. Lots of people swap without paying attention- like switching alcoholism with super religion, or drugs for cigarettes. One addiction for another. Making sure we swap consciously is key to breaking these bad habits. Great post Jennifer.
Jays last blog post..The Inner Noodle Review
Hi Lance. What a great example of replacement you shared about being “late!” I love how you mentioned that becoming conscious of your thoughts puts you in a much better position.
I can totally identify with being “late” example. I have been late and got behind the slow cars and fumed about it. I used to just get mad and stay mad the whole time. I have finally learned to replace my thinking about these situations as well. It makes so much difference. I know sometimes that I do better than others, but usually I’m able to make the replacement. I have to admit my husband taught me a lot about this. He taught me to take responsibility and to start leaving earlier to where I need to go. Then I don’t have to worry about these kinds of things. Am I perfect about it? No, but better anyway. So my best replacement is treating the real cause of the problem. My next best replacement is treating my attitude when I am in that situation.
In the area of relationships…. I can identify with that. Every marriage has disagreements and that is not necessarily bad. It’s all about how we handle the disagreements. For me, it’s especially difficult to make replacements in this area of my life. It’s more personal. I’m more attached. I want to “be right.” But, making the replacement, I’m learning slowly, is what it’s all about. It’s all about attitude and working toward a solution, a stronger marriage. When I make that replacement everything changes.
Glad I could help this set into your mind…
Hi Laurie. “Time challenged”… I like that. My husband is married to one of those. He is like you about time and being late. Like I mentioned, I’m getting better. My husband handles it all really well though. I think because of his patience, I have gotten better. We have these friends who are always early to everything - sometimes like an hour early! I don’t know how to handle that.
How wonderful that you have made so many positive replacements in your life. That’s what it’s all about… making the replacement from negative to positive. And now, not only your marriage has made improvements, but your whole life. So you go right ahead Miss. Sunshine and keep seeing the good.
Hi Jay. So the late thing seems to be hitting everyone around here about the same. I understand about taking a lot of time dealing with negative thoughts from childhood. Making replacements has been so crucial for me. What a difference it has made.
Switching addictions… that’s a whole different ballgame. The reason people switch addictions is because they haven’t switched their thinking… because they haven’t processed their emotional pain by learning to replace their thoughts, etc… Unless their emotional pain is properly addressed and dealt with they will always switch to something else.
this post is timely for me.
i hit the natural foods store the other day. i accepted that i am a snacker and instead of getting down on myself for this, i decided to do just what you suggested. i decided to load up on guilt free snacks to satisfy that need.
i grabbed some plums, apples and oranges. i stocked up on almonds , walnuts, dried blueberries and cherries. i bought some swiss and cheddar cheese. i also found some exciting new flatbreads and rusks. i grabbed some artichokes and olives.
as i am a varied snacker, i felt these choices were healthier than chocolates, candies or chips. there is enough choice to satisfy a sweet, crunchy, salty or chewy craving. the nuts are good for you and the fruits will help me meet my nutritional needs.
i replaced not just the food but my self talk.
i replaced less healthy food choices with better ones and in doing i changed from guilt ridden, shameful thoughts to empowered, proud thoughts.
storm
storms last blog post..light in dark corners
Hi Storm. It does sound like this was a timely post for you. What a great example you have given of replacing your chocolate, chips, etc. for healthy fruits, nuts, etc. I am somewhat of a snacker myself and have worked to keep these types of food on hand as well. I totally understand about being a varied snacker too. Sometimes I just want something salty, sometimes sweet. I suppose that’s pretty normal.
What I loved most about your comment is how you replaced your self talk as well with empowering thoughts that made you feel good about yourself. Taking responsibility…. that’s what you did and now look at the results! Good for you Storm!!
Hi Jennifer,
Most people doesn’t realize that they are having negative thought, unless if they are consciously checking their thought. The more we train to use our positive mental attitude the sooner we realize when we’re having negative thoughts.
Great article, Jennifer. Thanks for sharing.
Arswinos last blog post..10 Characteristics of Positive Thinking People
jennifer,
i have to give you a quick update. i found your post kept resonating yesterday.
i caught more of my negative thinking throughout the day — nothing big, but then again i nipped it in the bud. i found myself thinking, i need to reframe this thought…..how can i replace it with something positive.
i am a work in progress and i thank you for giving me some new tools.
storm
storms last blog post..monday
Hi Arswino. Yes, I would say that the vast majority of people don’t know that they are thinking negative. It takes a lot of training to become conscious of it. Learning what a positive attitude is and how to apply it will certainly make negative thoughts known to us. Great point. Thank you Arswino for stopping by.
Storm,
Thanks so much for stopping back by to say how much the post is resonating with you and helping you. That made my day! It really is a very simple, but powerful lesson and you’ve seen that first hand. I’m so glad that I was able to provide you with some new tools.
I know all about being a work in progress. I’ve been reminded of that a lot lately.