“There is a man wise in his own eyes?  There is more hope for a fool than for him.”  - Proverbs 26:12

How are your resolutions going so far?  Are you still sticking with them?  My husband said that at work on Monday about 25 people gathered around the lunch table (as opposed to the usual five or six) with their healthy lunches and they discussed their different diet strategies.  On Tuesday there were the usual five or six at the table. The rest were eating out again.  Hopefully, you’ve made it further than that.

To help keep our minds clear and thinking accurately as we go into 2009 there are three more thinking errors that I would like to discuss.  We will begin with the first one of this new year today.

Have you ever wondered why you are always right about things and everybody else just doesn’t know what is going on?  Have you ever wondered why they don’t understand why you are always right and comply?  What is wrong with them?  Unfortunately, today’s thinking error is very close to me.  It’s called:

14.  Being right:  Insisting on being right no matter what.

It can also be known as stubbornness.

When I first saw this thinking error on paper it jumped out and glared very boldly at me.  Even after I recognized it and tried to work on it, I found myself struggling beyond belief to conquer this ugly demon.  It seemed as though no matter how hard I tried I just could not put it away.  I realize now that my “me factor” was very high, resulting in this struggle.  Some unprocessed pain also played a big part in my lack of (or very slow) progress.  With time and persistence, I have it under control now.  (At times, it still likes to rear it’s ugly head if I let my guard down, but I work hard to not go down that road any more.)  My personality is also stubborn by nature, making it even more challenging.  (I know it’s not a pretty trait to have, and not one that I’m proud of, but it does come in handy because I can be very persistent in the right situations.)               Photo by: _cr_

But enough about me…..  The truth of the matter is that I can not always be right - nor can anyone else.  We are humans and so by nature we are often self centered.  We want to always be right (at least many of us), but we’re just not.  The good thing about it is that we are not always wrong either.  Sometimes we are right and sometimes we are wrong.  A wise and humble person will step back when a situation or disagreement arises, look at the facts - just the facts, and humbly listen to the other person, or to what is really going on.  The other person may just be right or there may be something else going on (or not going on) than what we think.

If we insist on always being right all the time then we will miss out on a lot in life.

-  We will not be able to understand other people and the world for what it is, simply because we insist on insisting that we are right.  We will miss out on giving and receiving love and we will miss out on learning important lessons in life from others who are right.  A wise person will realize that they can learn a lot from other people.

A person stuck on being right at all times is like a person wearing dark sunglasses in doors all the time - only seeing what is in their own mind and shutting out the truth that may exist beyond their glasses.

Another tip to help conquer this beast:

Above, I noted the importance of 1. increasing humility, 2. taking a step back, 3. taking an objective look at things, 4. developing listening skills and 5. processing pain to help me gain control over this thinking error.  Specifically, there was something else that helped me to conquer the beast of insisting on being right.  Often in my case, I wanted to insist on being right instead of teaching or showing when appropriate.  Once I realized this, I had to (6.) make a paradigm shift from insisting on being right to “Let me show or help you understand what I want or need (in a humble sort of way).”  Now, that is not necessarily appropriate in every situation, but in many cases, it was for me.  Hope this helps someone.

Your turn:

Are you a stubborn person?  Do you see yourself as participating in this thinking error?  What examples can you share with us about how this thinking error has effected your life or how you have seen it affect others?  Have you conquered it?  If so, how?

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Determined to reach your goals?  Let us help you.  Join us at Journey to Success where we help each other to succeed.

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To learn about the other thinking errors we have discussed follow these links and learn to Change Your Life - One Thought at a Time:  Using names or labels and jumping to conclusions, filtering out the positive and polarized thinking, overgeneralization, mind reading and personalization, maximizing and minimizing,  blaming,  self pity, gloom and doom,  controlling, and emotional reasoning.

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Coffee of the week:

Organic Peruvian Gold