This week we will continue our series on thinking errors.  If you haven’t yet read the post on labeling and jumping to conclusions then I encourage you to begin there.  I thought it would be best to keep these thinking errors to two to three errors per post so that they would have the greatest impact.  Learning about them is one thing, but knowing them intimately and mastering accurate thinking is the only way this information will make a difference in your life.

So let’s take a look at the next thinking errors:

3. Filtering out the positive in order to point out the negative

With this error people have a “filter” in their mind that only catches the negative.  The positive slides right through without even being noticed.  If you commonly think negative thoughts then this is likely one you will participate in.

Examples:

This is an easy thinking error for husbands and wives to participate in.  Let’s say that your spouse says something to you that hits you the wrong way.  What is the natural tendency?  To filter out the positive and start thinking about all the things your spouse has ever said that upsets you.  “He is so inconsiderate.  He doesn’t even care about me or my feelings.  Yeah, just like yesterday when he said, _____________.  He is such a jerk. and on and on…….”  Has your spouse ever said anything good to you?  Chances are he has, but you won’t remember it if you have your filter on.

You may find that you also participate in filtering out the positive for something your spouse does or doesn’t do, not just in what he/she says.  (Let me tell you a secret.  He will stop saying anything positive about you or doing anything for you if you only point out the negative and dwell on it.  If you focus on the good things your spouse says, does, or even doesn’t do, chances are you will discover that you have a wonderful spouse.)

I have filtered out the positive in this way before:  focusing on the differences of me and my husband to the point that I thought we had nothing in common and wondered how we got together.  Thankfully, I was able to remove the negative filter and see all the things we had in common, remember why we got together, and celebrate that. The big thing that made the difference was I made a decision to celebrate how God made us both different.  How boring would this world be if we were all alike?

Another example is saying something like, “I’ve never succeeded at anything so I’m a failure”  What happens is you start to think about all the things you’ve failed at and think you’ve never succeeded at anything.  You have filtered out all the successes of your life to point out your failures.  Can you tie your shoe?  Did you get your driver’s license?  Have you ever passed a class?  These may sound silly, but if you answered yes to any of them, then you’ve succeeded at something.  The more you think about your successes the more successes you will have.

4.  Polarized Thinking - Everything is either good or bad.

This is also referred to as “all or nothing” thinking or “black and white” thinking.    A person engaging in this thinking error sees things as either/or, never anything in between.  A perfectionist mindset would also fit into polarized thinking.

This is one that I have struggled a lot with- especially the perfectionistic tendency - and is often difficult for me to spot.

Examples:

Do you see the one small spot on the window that you just cleaned and think the whole window is dirty and all your work in vain?  What about the all the clean parts of the window?

Being prejudiced toward someone based on his/her nationality, skin color, working class, financial income, or where they live says that a person is all bad based on these outward circumstances.  Learn to see people for who they are, not anything else.  Have they ever done anything bad?  Sure they have?  Have you?  Are you all bad?

Parents who have a polarized thinking mindset typically have children who feel they can never please their parents.  Do you only see the one B on your child’s report card (and not the 5 A’s)?  That’s a hard thing for them to live up to?  Or maybe you’re the student who only sees the one B?  Congratulate your child or yourself for the good work you did.

A person with polarized thinking will live a life of discouragement.  Training your mind to see shades of gray and putting your focus on the positive will help you develop more accurate thinking.

Dr. David D. Burns in his book, Feeling Good (which I highly recommend), says that this form of thinking “causes you to fear any mistake or imperfection because you will then see yourself as a complete looser, and you will feel inadequate and worthless.”

Tip:  Everything has at least some seed of good in it.  Focus on that.

Have you been stifled by these thinking errors?  How has it affected you?  Do you plan to change that way of thinking?  What examples would you like to share?  What about success stories as you changed your way of thinking?

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Photos by: ian machado and aslakr