Principles for Peace

As we look closer at what holds us back from inner peace this may very well be the most crucial topic that we have discussed so far.  Not only that, I also believe it is the most critical thing that could ever hold us back from acheiving inner peace or any goal we ever set for ourselves.  Although, a person’s desire to have inner peace and willingness to let go of the things that hold them back are certainly the foundations.  If you are new to the discussion you will find it very helpful to first read our previous posts on this subject by clicking here and here.

We have hit on this several times over the past couple of posts, especially in the discussion sections, but I didn’t want to go too deep into it at the time.  I was waiting for the right time…..

IR Rating

Okay, my question for you is, “What is your IR rating?”  You may think I’m a little confused here and that the “R” should be a “Q.”  No, we’re not talking about your intellegence quotient.  I think we can safely say that you can have peace with about any IQ score.  So what in the world is IR?  I thought you would never ask.

In the latest issue of Success Magazine, the publisher, Darren Hardy, does an exclusive audio interview with Paul J. Meyer, an incredible icon in the personal growth industry.  I have been totally blown away by this man through this interview. 

Darren asked Paul what he did to combat fear in the beginning of his ventures.  He told the story of how he was fortunate to have his mother to tell him at the age of 12 about the IR theory.  She said that who he was was his IDENTITY and on a scale of 1-10  asked how would he RATE himself?  She told him to rate himself a 10 for the rest of his life.  She said, “Do not let anyone, any time, ever say anything or do anything that affects who you are and your identity.  You’re a 10.  You came into this world a 10 and you’re going out a 10.  You started the day a 10 and your going to finish the day a 10.”  (If you haven’t figured it out yet, IR stands for Identity Rating.)  We could also call this IR a belief in yourself. 

Mr. Meyer said that he enters every day without the possibility of defeat.  It never enters his mind that he could fail at anything.  He says that he has a no limitations belief in God and a no limitations belief in himself.  The question is: Has this worked for him?   His life is example that it has.  He walks his talk.  Is he successful in business?  Oh yeah!!!  Just do a little research on him.  For our purposes here, was he a master at inner peace?  His life speaks of that very loud and clear.

Are you beginning to see how a score lower than 10 can hold you back???  If you don’t have a score of 10 do you think it is possible to acheive anything?  I believe that belief in yourself is the number one ingredient necessary to acheive anything in life, whether it be peace or any goal you set for yourself.

A few things for you to consider:  *IMPORTANT* These are not things to take lightly.

* What is your IR on a scale of 1-10?  (Do you have limiting beliefs in yourself? )

* Why is that your score?

* Who have you let tell you that you are not a 10?  Why?  What can you do to move forward? (Is forgiveness in order?)

* Have you allowed yourself to tell you that you are not a 10?  Why?  How can you overcome that?

* Do you have limiting beliefs in God?  What can you do to change that?

* Is your IR causing you to fear failure?   Remember: the past does not equal the future!  (that is…. unless you allow it to do so.  Then you allow your thoughts to become a self fulfilling prophesy.)

* The world gives you the exact same IR you give yourself.  You project that number at all times.

* Make a resolution to change your rating to a 10 - TODAY.  Write on an index card   “I am a 10.  God made me a 10 and that will never change.”  Carry it with you wherever you go.  Look at it when you get up in the morning and when you go to bed and often through out the day.  (I just made this card for myself.)

I HIGHLY recommend subscribing to Success Magazine if you are interesting in growing to become a better person.  Each issue has a free audio CD in it that is worth more than the subscription itself in my opinion.   You can download a free copy of the current issue to your computer, but you miss out on the CD that has so much great information.

Consider learning other gems from Paul J. Meyer.  He is an amazing man with lots to teach us.  Some of his most influential works are in a series called “Believing in Yourself.”

Harness the Power of Your Attitude (Believing in Yourself Set, Volume 1 of 5)

Positive Expectancy to Win (Believing in Yourself Set, Volume 2 of 5)

The Courage to Succeed (Believing in Yourself Set, Volume 3 of 5)

Never, Never, Never Give Up! (Believing in Yourself Set, Volume 4 of 5)

There’s Magic in Believing (Believing in Yourself Set, Volume 5 of 5) 

(Last I checked there were only one or two copies of each one.)

Share your thoughts on this post.  Tell your score if you want and how you plan to move your score to a 10. 

photo by: Darren Hester

In our last post, we discussed the importance of discovering what holds us back from acheiving what we want or from being where we want to be. 

With all we said last week, there are some things to keep in mind as you work to figure out what is holding you back.  We had some great discussion that I would encourage you to read if you have not yet.  A common theme that kept appearing in the discussion (which was already going to be a major point of this current post) was…

photo by:  _Gene_

* Don’t obsess over or stay focused on what is holding you back.  Work to figure these things out, but don’t obsess over the problem.  Remember that what you focus on expands, as Andrea Hess noted in our comment section in the last post.  Stay focused on moving forward when you do work to figure out what is holding you back. THE INTENTION SHOULD ALWAYS BE TO LEARN FROM WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK SO THAT YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD. 

* It is common to have fear of self discovery.  Don’t allow this to stop or cripple you.  Remember the purpose is to make you a better person, not to wallow in self pity.  I used to fear looking deep into my life.  Now I want to look there so that I can grow from it and become better.

* Don’t get discouraged if you can’t figure it out immediately and don’t try too hard.  Suggest to yourself that you will figure it out.  Set aside some time to think about it, say 20 minutes.  Pray that God will help reveal these things to you.  But don’t try too hard.  Sometimes the harder we try the more we are working against ourselves.  You may simply let your mind wander and see where it takes you and then move on.  If you haven’t figured anything out after this time, don’t fret about it.  It will come to you.  Just focus on moving forward and go on.  Our continued discussion will serve to reveal these things to you so that you can learn and grow.

* Once you figure out something that is holding you back, say to yourself, “Great, now I know how to move forward!”  Then write down what has been holding you back and what you are going to do to overcome it and act on it immediately.  Do you really want one more wasted day?  Knowledge alone will get you nowhere.  It will take action - action that will get you where you want to be. 

Okay, now that you are not stuck on the problems, let’s get specific.  To stay with our theme, the focus will be on what holds you back from inner peace.   Many of the same principles can apply to any goal you set.

Let’s take a look at some blockers and how to overcome them.

Lack of knowledge -  Many people don’t have peace in their lives simply because they don’t know how to have peace in their lives.  That is the purpose of this blog.  I’m assuming that most of you are here because you want to know how to have that peace.  Keep reading.  Knowledge is key.   

Fear of the unknown or letting go - Many people are in their comfort zone and are afraid of pushing forward to the peace that is on the other side.  Fear of getting away from the things with which they are familiar is very frightening.  If this describes you, rest assured that what is on the other side is well worth the effort.  Write down somewhere, “I recognize that I am afraid, but I realize that what is on the other side is much better.  It is worth letting go of the things with which I am familiar in order to have peace in my life.  I resolve to let go of all of it.”  Let your mind focus on that for a minute.

photo by: Dan4th

Lack of consciousness or awareness- Some people are stuck in autopilot without even the awareness that they do not have peace.  They simply live their lives like they always have without a second thought, always doing what they have always done and not even knowing why.  They do not know that they can change their lives by changing their thinking.  They are just trying to get through the day instead of getting something from the day.  If this is you, stay tuned to see how you can change your thoughts to change your life.  Begin thinking about what you can do to get something out of the day.  What can you do to brighten someone else’s day?  Become aware of the negative thought patterns in your mind and begin replacing them with postive ones.

Lack of focus -  Certainly focus is important.  As we stated earlier, what you focus on expands.  Do you want peace.  Focus on peace.  Is there chaos in your life?  Are you focused on the chaos?  Are you surrounded by problems.  Are you focued on them?  What if you asked yourself how you could turn these problems into peace?  How would you do that?  It takes intention.  It takes focus - concentrated focus. 

Are you focused on the right things?  What are your priorities?  If you don’t know, it’s time to think about them and write them down and number them.  If you don’t know what your priorities are peace will never be possible in your life.  Priorities are a must!  Priorities allow you to focus.

More ways to move forward next time….

What are some more things that you have discovered that has held you back?

Have you ever wanted something so bad you just couldn’t stand it?  Have you ever wondered why you just can’t achieve something or move forward?  You want something or you set goals, but no matter how hard you try you just can’t get there?  You’re not alone?  There have been many times in my lifetime when I set goals and I could never seem to reach them.  One goal after another and nothing, nothing.  Very frustrating to say the least. 

I have been thinking about a question related to this now for several weeks.  It has pervaded my mind and I keep thinking about it.  So I posed the question to my husband a week or so ago.  Do you have to figure out what is holding you back from acheiving something in order to acheive it or can you simply make a goal and be so focused that you acheive it?  My husband thought for a moment and then said, “I don’t know.”  Later he said to me “Honey, I think you’re becoming a philosopher with some of the questions you ask me.”  :)  I certainly never thought of myself as a philosopher, but I do enjoy thinking and figuring things out now - something I never took the time to do earlier in my life.

My conclusion, from years of expereience, is that yes, you have to recognize and figure out what is holding you back from accomplishing something and work to process and remove that thing so that you can move forward.  Everyone may not agree with me here, and I’d love to hear what you have to say if you don’t.

Do you want inner peace and happiness?  Do you want success?  Do you want to be the best at something important to you?  Do you want to leave a legacy?  What is stopping you?  That is what I want us to discover.

How do I figure out what is holding me back?

* Look deep and ask the quesion, “Why?”  Now there are two ways to ask the question, “Why?”  One way says, “Why me?”  or “Why is this happning to me? (or why did this happen to me?)”  In other words, “poor pitiful me.”  The other way to ask “why?” is to ask it in order to find the answers to what is holding you back and what you can learn from it.  This could be in the form of “Why am I not reaching my goals?  What is holding me back?  How can I learn from it and change it so that peace can prevail or so that I can move forward to reach my goals? 

* Realize that when you ask the question “Why?” that it is probably something deep burried in your subconscious mind.  This is not always the case, but often it it.  Nonetheless, it is something you are doing or not doing that is holding you back.  It is your weaknesses that you are not aware of.  Keep looking deeper and deeper and asking “why?” over and over again until you figure out the answer.  In Jeffrey Liker’s  book, The Toyota Way, he tells of how the Japanese in the Toyota company ask the question, “Why?” five times in order to find the source of a problem so they can improve upon it.  What you will likely discover when you do this is that…

* Beliefs are usually the things that are holding you back.  When you find these beliefs the next questions to ask are “Why?” (yes, again!)  Why do I hold these beliefs?  Where did they come from?  Are these beliefs real or accuarate?  Now that I see these beliefs what can I learn from them?  How can I change my thinking in order to change my beliefs, in order to accomplish what I want?  How can I use this information to help me have peace of mind and/or success at something? 

* Understanding how beliefs work can go a long way.  Beliefs form habits, habits that we are often not even aware of and these habits dictate your actions and your entire life without you even realizing it is happening.  You see, no amount of positive talk can get you where you want to be if you have negative beliefs burried deep within you telling you the complete opposite.  Uncover and remove the negative so that you can believe the positive.  Once you believe it you can acheive it as Napolean Hill says in his time tested best seller book, Think and Grow Rich.  If the voice burried deep within you says, “You’re no good.  You’ll never accomplish anything.  It’s not really possible for you to have peace” then it is right.  You will not until you first recognize that voice, figure out where it came from and then replace it with an accurate thought and belief.

One of the reasons I like Dr. Nicole  so much is because she uses the “why? approach to physical problems.  She digs deep asking why, why, why til she gets to the root of the problem, exposes it and there finds the solution.  She figures out what is holding people back from good health.  This is evident in her post about McInflamation and Tell Me What’s in Your Shopping Cart and I’ll Tell You What Is Wrong with You.

* Often the beliefs burried deep within you that are holding you back are fears.  Benny Greenberg is doing an excellent series on this topic of fear now which helps to reveal those fears that you may have hidden deep within you.  Recognizing these fears and learning to replace them can go a long way towards helping you have the life that you want - that peace of mind we all want. 

In the next few posts we will discuss some tips and some more things that hold us back along with the things that we can do to overcome them. 

In the meantime, this is open for discussion.  I would love to hear what you have to say about all of this.  What are some things that you have figured out that has held you back? 

 

Have you ever said to someone (or wanted to, but didn’t)…  “Will you please just listen to me.”  How many times have you been trying to tell someone something and they were just not listening?  How many times have you felt like you might as well be talking to a brick wall.  Do you feel that sense of frustration rise up your spine as you think about it?  Have you been a poor listener?  Is listening a thing of the past? 

My friend, Ron Wilkins, was probably one of the greatest listeners of all times.  Ron and his apprentice, Gary Washer have taught me much about listening.  I give them credit for most of this material.  Ron said in his book, Removing Emotional Pain, that listening may be the most difficult [life] skill to learn. I agree with that.  Listening is twofold.  It involves listening to ourselves as well as listening to others.  Today’s focus will be on listening to others. What I have found is that by taking the time and making the effort to listen to others that often times the favor will be returned and people listen to me.

Listening is not easy, but it’s not impossible either. Understanding that listening is not an ability, but a skill that can be learned is refreshing.  (Yes, it can be learned!) 

Before we begin talking about how to listen, we need to first of all understand why we typically don’t listen. 

Understanding why listening is so difficult:

• Many mistakenly believe listening is an ability, not a skill that can be learned.
• It’s not easy to create the conditions necessary for for good listening.
• It takes a lot of effort, time and concentration to gather all the facts in a situation.
• It involves much more than simply hearing words or sounds.
• It’s challenging to see things from the other person’s point of view
• Listening involves getting rid of numero uno - ourselves. 

If listening is so difficult, then why bother with it?

• It prevents you from jumping to conclusions, possibly taking things personally or assuming you already know what the person is saying.  Failing to listen may cause you to take things the wrong way, stripping your inner peace right out from under you.  Listening allows you to see a person’s hurt from their point of view, not yours.
• It’s just plain rewarding to understand someone else.  You get a sense of fulfillment knowing that you are helping someone else to feel validated and understood.   Feeling understood is one of the strongest needs of human beings.
• Stronger, more intimate relationships
• A sense of peace from not having to talk and be number one and feeling like you have to have the last word
• You will become the most interesting person in the world as Dale Carnegie says in his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People
• People will love you forever if you take the time to listen to them. 

So if listening has so many benefits, let’s take a look at how we can become better listeners:

1.  The most important aspect of listening involves “putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes.”  I like to give myself a mental image of literally (but not really of course) transporting myself from my body into the body of the other person.  It helps me to “get inside of them.”  This is challenging, and takes lots of practice to master, but it can be done.  The purpose is to try with all of your being to fully understand the person.  Consider the experiences of this person.

2.  Humility.  This thing of getting into the other person’s shoes requires us to completely forget about ourselves and that is very difficult…..  But, it can be done.  Humility is not an option in learning to listen.  It says to the other person, “You are very important and I want to understand you.  Right now, it doesn’t matter what I think.  All that matters is you.”  Challenging?  Yes!  Rewarding?  Oh yeah!!

3. Give the person your full undivided attention and avoid distractions.  If it’s something really important create the favorable conditions necessary to listen to someone.  If someone is trying to talk to you about something and you are in the middle of something else and know you are not really able to listen at the time don’t fake it. These are magic words for this situation:  “John (or person’s name), What you are saying is important to me, but right now, I’m in the middle of something and don’t feel like I can be a good listener.  Is is okay if we talk about this when I am finished so that I can better understand you?” 

Listen with your body.  When someone is talking to you turn your whole body, not just your head (if at all possible), to face the person talking to you.  Don’t just look over your shoulder or worse yet, continue what you are doing, and say “uh-ha, uh ha.”  That doesn’t count.

Know your distractions.  Is the TV a distraction for you?  A certain show?  Turn it off.  Are you in a restaurant with that significant other and the TV is in your view.  Sit in the other direction or ask for another seat.  Is the daily mail more important than the people right in front of you.  You might try listening to their day first and reading the mail later.  See how much this can enhance your listening skills and your relationships.

4.  Do NOT think about what you are going to say in response.  Humility definitely plays a role here.  Because you are humble and forget about yourself for the moment you don’t need to say anything.  This can be especially challenging, but may actually take a huge burden off of us. 

5. Validation.   Once the other person has spoken, then it is appropriate to reword what the other person has said in our own words to make sure we understand.  We’re repeating back to them what we understood them to say.  This is not accusatory, simply rephrasing.  Remember humility….  An example would be, “So what I hear you saying is……”  or “So you are saying…..”

6.  Ask questions if you don’t understand or have enough information.  You might say, I’m not sure I understand you, could you please say that again” or “Will you please explain that a little more.”  This lets the other person know you are trying to understand them.

7.  Listen to their voice inflections and body language.  Is their voice raised?  Are their arms flailing around?  They may be very upset or just plain mad about something.  Voice and body language leaves many clues.  Become a master at recognizing these things.

What are some ways that you have learned to be a better listener?

Has not listening gotten you into trouble?  How?

Can you name some more benefits to listening? 

photo by clearly ambiguous