What Can Death Teach Us about Life?
Big Picture, Death, Peace, Uncategorized, focus, goals, happiness, humility, inner peace, priorities, purpose, tribute May 28th, 2008
Last week, I was forced to deal with the sudden death of one of my uncles. It seems that it is maybe an event that shouldn’t have happened - at least not at this time. Whatever happened, he is now gone and we are forced to grieve his loss and think of his memory.
Death has been something I have had to deal with a lot over the past six weeks. First, it was my friend Ron. Now it is my Uncle Robert. One thing is certain, we all face death. It is inevitable. Sure, science has advanced and people live longer now, but we still can not live forever on this earth.
Being forced to face death so much has caused me to ponder about life more and reflect over my life. What can death teach us about life? Can peace abound in the midst of death? Sure it can and I believe it should.
So what can we learn from death?
1. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. The next hour is never guaranteed. Life is short. So what is guaranteed? Only this very moment. So the question arises, “What are we doing with this moment?”
I’m not sure of the author, but this is a great quote brought to my attention by my friend David B. Bohls of Slow Down Fast:
Now is mine.
I can do what I want with it.
I own it, for better or worse.
What I do now, in this present moment, is what makes up my life.
My whole life is only a succession of nows.
I will take this moment and do something with it.
What I do with each now will make me or break me.
2. The biggest thing I have been reflecting on is, “If I were to die right now, how would my epitaph, my eulogy read? Each of us are writing our eulogy now - at this very moment. So what is it saying? Take some time now to reflect on that thought. I will be doing that over the next few days. Stephen Covey talks about the importance of doing this in his must read book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
A Thought to keep in mind….
Each moment is a stepping stone or building block to the summation of our life.
If your stepping stones or building blocks could speak what would they say? Are they applauding you for a job well done and making your life beautiful and full of peace or are they all crumbling to the ground screaming for help to be re-stacked into a sturdy structure and masterpiece?
A while back, I came across this short, but incredible movie that illustrates this point so well. It’s worth a look.
3. How can someone have peace as they face death? Inner peace is about facing death confidently - knowing you are living the life you are meant to live every day of your life. It is about living life for God not yourself.
Life is not about staying alive. It is about being prepared to die at any moment.
WB School is a great resource I have found.
4. Facing the death of loved ones has taught me not only the importance of reflecting on my life at this time, but to also take the time on a regular basis to do so? Am I living the life I want to live is a good question? If not, why not? If not, then what can I do about it? What can I do different?
5. “It’s all in YOUR mind.” This last one is directly from my uncle Robert. One of the men presiding at his funeral told the story of how he was making excuses to my uncle. Speaking about something he was doing, but didn’t feel like he was doing well, the man said to my uncle, “I just don’t feel like I’m making a difference. I just don’t feel like I’ll ever be any better than I am now.” My uncle said to him, “Just remember that’s all in YOUR mind, not anybody elses’.” Thought: What are you telling yourself?
Homework:
Write out your eulogy. This is not to be a morbid experience, but rather an exciting one as you lay out how you want to live your life and what you want to be remembered for. Keep breaking this down into smaller and smaller achievable daily steps and take action to achieve it. Refer to Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
At the end of every day, ask yourself, “If I could change one thing about today and the way I lived it, what would it be?” What one thing would give me a stronger sense of inner peace?” Write it down. Resolve to put that into practice the next day.
Yay! I am the first comment. I recently lost a friend over the weekend, and have been thinking a lot on this topic as well.
It really is ALL in your mind. What a great sentiment to share with us all. Life is how we perceive it for the most part.
Dr. Nicole, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Maybe this post will offer you some comfort and some things to think about.
Yes, It is ALL in OUR own minds!
Thank you Jennifer it did. It was a wonderful reminder that death is just a natural process of the life cycle. I feel blessed to be in my 30’s and only losing friends and loved ones every so often. It seems like elderly people are going to funerals once a week, losing friends and loved ones left and right. It must be really tough.
Yes Dr. Nicole, death is a natural process. We are so blessed to only lose a few friends here and there at our age. It just makes me that much more thankful for the people I do have in my life. Thank you for reminding me. It must be really tough for the elderly. Maybe we should reach out to them more.
Hi Jennifer,
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and Dr. Nicole’s too.
It’s so nice to see a young person writing about the subject of death. It a subject most don’t want to read about, let alone talk about.
I’m older and have lost many people in my life. To say it gets easier may be a half truth. It depends on who it is, how close you were to them, how old they are, and if they have been ailing. The loss of my mother is what broke my heart. She was the world to me. Even though it was over 20 years ago, there are still days I wish I could talk to her. I do believe I will see her again, as well as other friends and relatives who have passed away, and that gives me comfort.
Re: writing your own eulogy. When I returned to college awhile back, we did that as an assignment. It was eye opening and really made me think how I want to be remembered. It was actually life changing. I learned not to hold grudges, how not to be judgmental, learned to forgive, and learned how to be a better person who can contribute “something” to society. I want to leave this world a better place, and strive to live each day accordingly.
It may sound like a morbid assignment, but it’s well worth the effort.
Thanks again for a great post.
Jennifer,
First, you have evolved into a great writer. Being your friend, I’m proud of you.
Second, death is certain and unavoidable. Question is - “How can we make difference in this world that we live and love?”
You have pointed out several great suggestions.
On the personal side, I lost my elder brother when I was seven years old. He died at age 16 but he loved me to death. I was then very mischievous and I remember giving him hard time daily. It hurts me when I think about him. I’m sure it hurts my parents who silently bore the pain for all these years. I feel feeble and hapless as I know that nothing in the world can bring him back. I’ve learned his good traits - being obedient to parents, care and love parents, care for everyone whom I know and lastly love even my enemies. The day before he died, He changed heart of a street gangster by pleading him to renounce the life of devil and live in peace. I remember that when my brother died, this evil guy cried recalling my brother’s word for love and peace for all. I believe that my brother made difference in this world. I hope that I can follow his teachings and die peacefully knowing that I’ve made difference as well.
I’ve stumbled your post. It is very moving…
Take care,
Shilpan
Barbara, thank you so much for your kind words and for your well thought out comment. I appreciate your perspective so much.
Your mother must have been an amazing woman. I think you are proof of that! There is nothing like knowing if we will see that person again. It makes all the difference.
I think the ease or diffuculty of dealing with death always depends on the circumstances you mentioned: your closeness to them and if the death is expected, etc.
I believe that is the best college class that could ever be offered. I think every student should be required to take that class before they begin any other class. Thanks for sharing that and for sharing how much it changed/shaped your life. That’s motivation to anyone to do the assignment. If you are able, I would encourage you to contact your teacher and thank them for that assignment.
Shilpan, thank you for your kind words about my writing.
Yes, that is the question, “since death is unavoidable, how can we make a difference in this world while we are here?” Well said.
Thank you so much for sharing your story of your brother. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, especially at such a young age. I can’t imagine what that was like. I can tell that he meant so much to you and that he was a great person who tried to make a difference and succeeded at that. You are doing so well to think of all his good traits and immulating them. That is a mark of a good man. Let his life be a lesson to us all to never miss an opportunity to do good and to make a difference. Shilpan, you are making a difference!
Again, thank you so much for sharing and for the stumble.
Death is the universal fear. Everyone thinks about it at sometime and has spent time fearing it at sometime as well. Once we realize that it is inevitable and that we should be planning for LIFE and not for death then you can stop the fear. If you continue to give positive in your life and work towards leaving a positive mark in the world through your positive life- then your mark will be a big positive when you are gone.
Too many people spend too much time worrying about their death to enjoy life. That is a huge waste!
Live life, love life, understand life and have an incredible life!
Benny
Benny, yes, death is the untiversal fear. We do all fear it at some time, some times more than others. I do disagree though in that we should be planning for death and that will teach how how to live and have life. If we work at it backwards - planning how we want to be remembered - then we will live life at it’s best and not have to fear death. Now, that is positive!
I like your idea of writing a eulogy. This can be a very powerful compass to guide us through life, somewhat like a mission statement.
The eulogy thing is indeed very powerful.
I think the whole mid-life crisis thing is directly linked to a fear of dying without fullfilling our true potential. Is there a greater waste? On refelection maybe it would be more accurate to say is there a greater waste than not attempting to be all we can be?
Yes, Michael, it is much like a mission statement, only more powerful I believe.
Tim,
Yes Tim, the whole mid life crisis think is about the fear of dying without fulfilling our tru potential or making a difference. I actually hit it at age 30. A very tough time for me. No, there is no greater waste than that!! Well said!
You’ve given us a lot to think about. I know that all we have is the present moment. Right now. We need to try to live in it as much as we can.
But I don’t think we should worry about a eulogy. I think we just need to make sure our time is worth it in our own eyes. People will always see it differently, but the most important point of view is our own.
I think that at the end of the day, if we can reflect on it and say that we had a good one, that we were able to make the world a better place by our actions, that we are fufilled, then we have absolutely everything.
I really hate to do this - because I do not like to do “horn-tooting” on other web sites/blogs, but here is an older post I did and it will give a great perspective on what we should be doing while we are here.
http://ya-ttitude.com/blog/2008/04/02/ya-ttitude-give-and-take/
I think too many people worry about the end - without giving the here and now enough thought. The correct attitude and response to your here and now will get you that “great end.”
Jennifer please kill this if you believe I have over stepped my bounds
Benny
Chase, Welcome!! Thanks for stopping by and for commenting.
I think it is so important to be able to say at the end of the day that it was good, that we have made the world a better place! I think that is crucial. It is that difference that we have said that we want to make in the end that pulls us to do those things that make a difference. When I am talking about writing a eulogy, I am not talking about doing it to please others. In fact, just the opposite. It’s about doing what gives your life meaning.
Benny, Thanks for that link. What you talk about in that post is something about which I have been thinking a lot about in the last few days - about giving back more than we have been given. I think a good question to ask ourselves is “What can I do to make a difference today?” Now acting on that brings fulfillment!
It’s funny, I have seen the opposite occur - more people worrying about the here and now and not the end. A CORRECT focus on the end will show someone how to live in the here and now.
I know death is a natural part of life, I get that. It does really suck when people are taken from you too early, especially when it is sudden and you didn’t have time to prepare, that happened in October to me with my Godfather. I was not ready to deal with that, in fact I probably still haven’t dealt with that. I am 30 years old and have never been to a funeral, how sad is that.
It was a lovely post and I am sorry for your losses.
Jenny, I am so sorry for your loss. Death can be really difficult, especially when it is sudden and unexpected. Be sure to take the time to deal with your loss. Your mind and body need that. Take a look at it, grieve it and see how you can see it in a more positive light - or how you can grow from it. It will be worth it.